The Official Writing Challenge
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That's quite a story of redemption!
08/03/20
A good story line. I would have like more showing than telling but I understood where you were going. Keep writing!
This is a nice story. You do a nice job of bringing Johnny to life. Be careful of POV shifts. You use the first person singular and plural, the second person as well as the third. Instead, you might want to tell it all from Johnny's point of view. This will allow you to include thoughts, dialog, and body language and do more showing instead of telling. For me personally, I'm not a fan of the author speaking directly to the reader. I can't answer and I might not agree, but it also takes the focus off the MC. Although this is a story I've heard often, I think you did a nice job of telling it in a fresh way. Even though Johnny had a good heart, he was still lonely. He wasn't a terrible person before meeting God. Keep writing. You've a great start.
08/06/20
This is a nice write-up with a good storyline and lesson.
I personally feel the different parts of the write-up didn't quite flow into one another. Using more of a descriptive sense would have given more life to the script.
You are a good writer. Keep it up