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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD (07/23/20)
‘What a trite thing to say!’ Susan exclaimed.

‘I, know, boring hey?’ Shelley carried on sewing the silvery blue evening lace dress for her youngest daughter Shelann. She is attending a ball with her fiancé. How time flies.

‘Still, we have to do it. We need to prepare, and remember no pretence when we get there, agreed? Shelleee. Pay attention, this is important.’
Shelley stopped sewing and looked at Susan.

‘What do you want me to do?’

‘I don’t know yet. Thus the reason we are having this conversation. Would you like a cappuccino while we’re discussing this?’

As Susan busied herself in the makeshift kitchen of the workroom, she heard a resounding ‘yes, please’ from Shelley. She was thinking how are they going to make atonement to the one person they both passionately disliked when in school. Her thoughts would not flow. Yet, it is on her heart to do. Susan is not quite sure if Shelley fully realises why she has to partake. It does not matter, as long as she comes along.

‘Shelley, any ideas come to mind?’

‘No, girl, you were the one with the A’s in school, remember?’

Susan sighs. She is thinking of Pro 2 v 10, when wisdom comes into your heart…

Handing the cappuccino to her friend, she said:
‘We need to pray for wisdom. Let us pray Pro 2 v 10.’

‘Susan, you do remember how the old goat had it in for us?’

‘Yes, I do. It was us who hid his books and then it accidentally got wet, at least he found them. I heard he receives no visitors and hardly talks to anyone. Let us be the ones who will be the least. No pretences, no hesitation, just be your creative self. Shelley, I know you can be grown-up about this.’

Shelley, sipping her coffee, had a faraway look on her face.

Susan was thinking: I do hope Shelley will come with me. With or without her, I am giving heed to the Voice.

‘Yes, I can be, and I am. I am thinking we should make up a hamper with goodies. Get him a book or two, especially one that has recently won a literary prize. He has always been widely read, as you know.’

‘Mm, good idea, and of course we will pray with him and read some Bible verses together; just to let him know we do not hold any grudges. Do you agree Shel?’

‘Well, these days that is our best foot, or is it feet?’ Shelley chuckles.

‘Pink painted toenails and all!’
___________ .
The Jerusalem Bible - Reader’s Edition 1968
Fiction
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This article has been read 379 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Barbara Culler 
07/31/20
I like the gist of the story, of how you mix in Christian-ness with their sad behaviors. You might want edit your piece before submission, for there was several tense changes, and confusion with the character names. It's a good foundation for a very good story.
Barbara Culler 
07/31/20
And oh, I need to edit my own comments....!
Debra Brand 
08/03/20
Some of your dialogue was confusing and the main idea was a bit lost but the story line was good. Edit and keep writing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/04/20
You have a nice foundation. I like how you show the conflict right from the beginning. You do switch your tenses quite often though. I'd like to hear more about the story and what happened to make them have this conversation. Some of it seems random. I'm not sure who all the characters are. Also write out Bible verse names. I was puzzled about Pro 2 v 10 for a bit. Since it doesn't affect your word count, write it out: Proverbs 2, verse 10. A new Christian might not have any idea what you meant. Keep writing and also read and leave comments on other pieces as well. You have a good message in here. The more you write, I can see you blossoming quickly. Good job.
Aanu Adeoti
08/06/20
Your story is beautiful. I like the dialogue between your characters, although it could be better. We didn't have enough information on the main characters too.
It's beautiful really, and I loved the way you 'showed' the characters expressions and not just 'tell'.
It could use some editing too.
Well-done!