The Official Writing Challenge
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06/10/17
You did a good retelling job. I liked the twist at the end on the beaten man's part.

I can't ever recall having heard a sermon on the viewpoint of the beaten man. Mostly on the Samaritan,the priest and that poor spineless Levite who followed in the priest's footsteps.

Good job. God Bless.
06/10/17
Sorry a couple of added suggestions. Try to break up the long paragraphs. And reread for silly left out words or minor mistakes. Take your time.
I enjoyed your retelling of the familiar parable. I thought I'd read a lot like this, but so far this is the first one. Even if there are several, I think your POV is fresh.

I noticed you started in the present tense and then switched to past. Past tense works nicely. Next you switched to past perfect (an event farther in the past). Personally, I think you could've started with this. Because the man is unconscious, it would be difficult to remember what happened. Be careful that you don't have POV shifts. (It's a shift to say thieves weren't concerned if anyone saw them since you're telling it from the POV of the beaten man.)

You did a great job of making this your own while still staying true to the Bible. I'd encourage you to go further and add dialog and thoughts too.

I really enjoyed the retelling. You made me see it with fresh eyes and it was nicely paced. Keep writing.
06/13/17
Loved this!
Blessings~
First I would like to say that I feel when we get a comment from Shann,(She commented here) it is good to pay attention. She has helped me greatly. That said, I have a couple of things I noticed.

There are some words missing, such as: The word He-as he walked.

I am learning to read and re-read before uploading as I am bad about inserting unnecessary words.

Loved your take on the subject. Can't wait to read your next entry!
06/19/17
Bernardo, this was a good attempt to retell the parable of the Good Samaritan. The trick with Bible retelling is to find a creative and fresh way to communicate the story. In this case, there wasn't enough fresh input to make it stand out from the pack. When you think about it, Jesus "wrote" the original story. The bar is fairly high to tell it in a better way.

So how could you have made this more creative? You did try to give the characters a little backstory (as in the fact that one was a firewood peddler), but it needed more. Perhaps you could have written it from a contemporary angle. In other words, if the story happened today. Or maybe have the story told from one of the people who passed by, then found out later that the man had been cared for by a Samaritan. The key is to look for something that takes the familiar and turns it into something very creative.

Keep honing your skill and rising to the Challenge.

Blessings! Deb (Challenge Coordinator)