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Topic: STIR (11/12/15)
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TITLE: Keys to a successful church | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gloria Pierre Dean
11/19/15 -
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“The keys to a successful church.”
So she asked her grandfather.
“Ah well” he said “How much time do you have?”
“As much as it takes Grandpa”
“Ok Lucille, here is a practical example to start with.
When Grandma is making a sponge cake by hand she starts with a strong wooden spoon and a sturdy round bottom bowl.
One after the other she carefully adds the correct ingredients in the right order.
First sugar and butter, then add flour and beaten eggs, followed by spices such as cinnamon and nutmeg in small volumes, maybe add grated lemon peel to give it a ‘hum’ or even grated chocolate and lastly a few drops of vanilla.They are all stirred together. The mixing process takes time and the result is phenomenal. The final result depends on baking it at the right temperature of course”
“The Church, Grandpa” Lucille responded.
“O yes, I got carried away there” said he and proceeded to explain.
“Now the church is a similar yet very different.
Like a simple sponge cake, the people who love Jesus are like these dissimilar ingredients all compressed together. It begins and ends with the Holy Spirit and it is totally based on the Word of God, but you need to add faithful willing ‘called out’ followers of Jesus Christ based on the five fold ministry that Paul refers to in Ephesians {4:11} ---
apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers,....
Among these followers there must be the vital ingredient of faith and Bible study which lead to prayer,worship, and praise. Each one leading a Godly life and at every opportunity reaching others with the Good News of the Gospel, spiced up with the essence of love, joy, peace and the other gifts of the Holy Spirit. They are also called the Body of Christ and at a social level should occupy themselves with doing good deeds.
Like the cake, stir all together in the right order and in the decreed amount and you will have a beautiful church. The local church meet together and need all its vital ingredients in the right container in the right order as ordained by God Himself, and held together by the Holy Spirit.”
“Thanks Grandpa. Now I have a lot to think about”
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You have some good ideas, but you need to include some transitions to help the story flow. This is just an example to show you what I mean: Lucille grabbed her backpack and shuffled out the door. Her high school Religion teacher had just assigned an essay on what makes a successful church. She scratched her head. How am I supposed to know? I'm only sixteen. Suddenly, she stopped short. Grandpa will know. He's been active in the church forever. She hoisted her bag up on her shoulder and started to jog to her grandparent's home.
Of course, I know I added a lot of details that you didn't have, but by using body language and thoughts, you'll pull the reader into your story. Don't be afraid to use all 750 words allotted.
I did enjoy the little spots where you showed more of the charaters' personalities. I liked that Grandpa rambled on and that Lucille needed to put him back on track. It made them feel authentic. You definitely covered the topic. Keep writing and reading. You have some great points here. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Very nice piece. I liked it.
Your comparison brings the truth from the Bible to life.
Keep writing!