The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/19/15
A very skillful retelling of an appropriately-themed story. Good work!
11/20/15
I enjoyed this. An interesting picture of Bible times.

I liked the way you painted the scene "Fog rising off the sea hung like a willowy curtain..." (note willowy instead of willowing)

Your choice of verbs "Squawking" "jumped" "poked his head out."

Check out Jan's Basic Writing lessons. Her lesson on 'tight writing' helped me.

In the first paragraph here are a couple examples of how you could tighten up - "Wide awake, I lay on my back cocooned in my blanket....Nobody stirred.....The night waned as dawn approached."

You have potential! Keep those Challenge entries coming. I'll look forward to reading them.
This was an exciting retelling of Moses and the Egyptians.i liked the explosive words you used. I thought that you could have deleted the second sentence or combined it with the first. Great writing.
This is a good take on the Bible story. The only sentence I might change is the last one. Remember: only two of all those people remained faithful and trusted God (Moses) and finally made it to the promised land.
11/23/15
I liked this piece:) The writing put me right in the action. Good job.
This piece has made the story of Moses even more real, as if I am part of it as it is happening.

You make me get a feeling of what they went through when it actually happened. Exciting writing!

Keep writing.