The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.




TRUST JESUS TODAY





  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: STIR (11/12/15)
I woke up with a start. Wide awake, I lay on my back with my blanket wrapped tightly around me staring at the fading stars. Nobody else was stirring. The night was quickly waning as dawn was approaching. Fog rising off of the sea hung like a willowing curtain over the camp. What woke me up? I turned over on my side with my ear on a smooth rock that served as my pillow. I heard an Ibis greeting the morning with his horrible squawking in the distance. And then I heard it, a distant rumbling coming through the earth. I hated that sound. That sound had the power to stir up powerful memories of the day when several Egyptian thugs plotted together and killed my father.

I threw off my blanket as I jumped to my feet and ran toward Phinehas' tent calling out his name. Just as I arrived at his tent, he poked his head out. "What is all of the screaming about solider?"

"I heard rumbling Captain. It's the Egyptians. They are coming. I know it!"

"Come with me" he ordered as he walked toward an out cropping of rock that rose from the desert floor. By now the sun was up. Captain Phinehas climbed up on the rock and I followed. He looked northeast and pointed. My eyes focused on where he was pointing and there faintly visible in the morning light, was a cloud of dust.

"Egyptians! Come!" he commanded. We climbed off of the rock and ran back through our camp toward Moses' tent. Our leader was just throwing some water on his face as we ran up, out of breath. Several other leaders were gathering at Moses' tent to find out what the mysterious cloud said they would be doing today.

Captain Phinehas stopped and tried to slow his breathing. "Moses, the Egyptians are coming! We are doomed. Pharaoh has been successful in rousting his charioteers to stir them in war against us."

With those words the other leaders immediately started yelling among themselves and then one of them shouted "Silence." Turning to Moses, he jabbed a finger at Moses' chest. "You! Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'?" The shouting got louder as their panic set out to stir up dissension.

The Man of God raised his hand. An unnatural quiet fell over the leaders. "Here is what the Lord told me several days back on our journey. 'Tell the Israelites to turn back and encamp near Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea. They are to encamp by the sea, directly opposite Baal Zephon.'" Then the Lord told me "Pharaoh will think, 'The Israelites are wandering around the land in confusion, hemmed in by the desert.' And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and he will pursue you. But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD."

"It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"

"Do not be afraid" said Moses in a quiet voice. "Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Many miraculous things happened over the next forty-eight hours. I saw them with my own eyes. And looking back, I believe that this God of the Pillar and Cloud is different from the Egyptian gods. He is capable of reaching into despot Pharaoh and our people to stir hearts. All the Lord did with Pharaoh was to amplify the rebellion already in his heart. And for us, we witnessed great power which the Lord used against the Egyptians and it has made us into a fearing and believing nation in the Lord and in His servant Moses.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 270 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Donna Powers 
11/19/15
A very skillful retelling of an appropriately-themed story. Good work!
Trudy Newell
11/20/15
I enjoyed this. An interesting picture of Bible times.

I liked the way you painted the scene "Fog rising off the sea hung like a willowy curtain..." (note willowy instead of willowing)

Your choice of verbs "Squawking" "jumped" "poked his head out."

Check out Jan's Basic Writing lessons. Her lesson on 'tight writing' helped me.

In the first paragraph here are a couple examples of how you could tighten up - "Wide awake, I lay on my back cocooned in my blanket....Nobody stirred.....The night waned as dawn approached."

You have potential! Keep those Challenge entries coming. I'll look forward to reading them.
Loni Bowden-Horn
11/21/15
This was an exciting retelling of Moses and the Egyptians.i liked the explosive words you used. I thought that you could have deleted the second sentence or combined it with the first. Great writing.
Larry Whittington
11/22/15
This is a good take on the Bible story. The only sentence I might change is the last one. Remember: only two of all those people remained faithful and trusted God (Moses) and finally made it to the promised land.
Jody Day 
11/23/15
I liked this piece:) The writing put me right in the action. Good job.
Maretha Retief
11/26/15
This piece has made the story of Moses even more real, as if I am part of it as it is happening.

You make me get a feeling of what they went through when it actually happened. Exciting writing!

Keep writing.