Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: THE UGLY TOURIST (07/09/15)
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TITLE: Clock's Ticking | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ashley Rowland
07/16/15 -
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A small sign came into view. Welcome to Cool Springs. Home of Dragonfly Lake. Jaclyn noticed people dressed in various versions of summer frivolity as she passed the town’s grocery, hardware, and dollar stores.
A convenience store sat nestled in the pines. Jaclyn swung up to one of the two gas pumps. Shuffling through her purse for her wallet, she stepped out of the Maxima. She looked at the sign on the gas tank. Rolling her head back, Jaclyn stomped toward the store.
“Welcome,” said the smiling woman at the counter.
Jaclyn slammed her hands down on the counter. “I don’t know how much gas this car takes. I just want to get gas and get something to eat.”
The woman raised her eyebrows a moment and said, “Go on out. Fill up. Come back in and we’ll get you something to eat from our little deli.” The woman motioned behind Jaclyn.
Jaclyn turned to see that there was a small restaurant connected to the store. And there were a few people eating or waiting for food.
A white-haired man leaned to his companion and mumbled, “Yuppies. Humph.”
Jaclyn felt her face heat up. She pumped her gas, went back inside, and studied the paper menu.
“Know what you want?” the smiling woman asked.
Jaclyn almost laughed, but then she might start crying. Yes, yes she did. “I’ll take a two-piece chicken tender plate, potato wedges, and a Pepsi,” she said, looking down at the menu. Why does she keep smiling?
“It’ll be a few minutes. Have a seat. I’ll bring it out when it’s ready,” the woman said, grinning bigger.
Jaclyn slumped in a chair at a corner table, her back to the room. She replayed events from the past week in her mind. She had looked forward to this trip. Saved up for months. Now everything had turned to ashes. She glanced at her watch.
“Here you go,” the woman said from behind Jaclyn.
Even her voice smiles. Jaclyn stared at the plate of chicken.
The chicken and potato wedges were actually good. Jaclyn ate every bite and sipped her Pepsi.
“Where ya from?”
Jaclyn jumped. Then sat back and crossed her arms.
“I’m sorry,” the woman said. She took a seat across from Jaclyn and tucked grey hair behind her ear. “My name’s Constance.”
“Atlanta.”
“Lost? Need directions? You can stay in town for a while if you like.”
“No. It’s a long story.”
“Yep. You ended up 100 miles from home. In the middle of nowhere.” Constance sat back in her chair and looked up. “That reminds me when my sweet Jim...”
Jaclyn frowned. “I ended up in Pigeon Forge.”
“All by yourself? That’s a ways to travel by yourself, but then you young girls don’t worry about those things.”
“I wasn’t alone. I was with my boyfriend.” Jaclyn lowered her eyes.
Constance softened her voice. “Where is he now?”
“I don’t know. He left me. I had to rent a car to go home and salvage what’s left of my trip.” Jaclyn’s voice rose as she tried to speak through an uncooperative, tight throat.
“You’ll be just fine.”
“How can you say that? I’m 32 years old. Time is wasting away. The clock’s ticking, and the only prospect I had is gone.”
“Whose clock?”
Jaclyn glared out of the window next to her.
“Do you have a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ?”
Jaclyn touched her chest. “Y – yes.”
“You read God’s Word?”
“Yes.”
“Then you know that boy’s not for you. You wait for a man who seeks God. The only clock to worry about is God’s.” Constance paused. “I didn’t meet my Jim until I was forty. He was worth the wait.”
Jaclyn pressed her fingers to her eyes. I should have been waiting on God. But I’ve been trying to make my own destiny. God, I’m sorry. Help me trust your plan. “You’re right, Constance. Please forgive me.”
“Constance, where you want these?” said a man holding a stack of plates.
“This is my nephew Ethan. Fine Christian man. Over there, Ethan.”
As Ethan walked away, Jaclyn watched him and whispered, “Maybe I will stay.”
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I was a bit confused at the first line of dialog though. It seemed a bit snappish for no apparent reason. After my second read, I realized she was likely reacting to the sign on the pump. I think if you had her read the sign aloud or something like: The sign on the pump directed her to pay before pumping. Stomping inside, her anger and frustration increased with each step.
With a similar transition, I think I would have understood it on the first read and it would also paint a picture in my mind.
You did a great job of building a big story in only 750 words. This is also a great reminder. We don't know what's going on in a person's head that may make her irritable. I also liked your message about God's time table. I'm sure I'm not the only one who can relate to that. Nice job.
God bless~
AMEN!