The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is great. You had me smiling and chuckling all the way through. I love a good twist and this was perfectly timed.

I noticed you had a few run-on sentences. Remember if you have two independent clauses separated by a conjunction to use a comma before the conjunction. I also noticed in the first two paragraphs you used the word ride several times. I understand you didn't want to reveal the MC's species too soon. Perhaps you could have subbed one with transportation, train, taxi, or wheels (though that wouldn't stay true unless the human was on skates.)

I really enjoyed this. It was out of the box and definitely original. I had toyed with doing something similar, but I'm glad I didn't because you did such a fine job with this. Your ending was great and this is a story that I'll remember because of its freshness.
Great job! I enjoyed this from start to finish...wonderul, different, and creative fun.

God bless~
Aw yuk! Sweaty groins and other such delicacies. I really enjoyed this fun, out of the box piece. Congratulations on your EC win. Well deserved.
Congratulations!! Happy Dance!!
It may be easy to take a 'stern' view of titles like yours, but you kept the fun flowing right through.
Well done.
Oh wow - fantastic POV. How utterly, grossly clever.