Grief

God gave my parents the responsibility to train me up in the way I should go. We find such instructions in Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4 and Deuteronomy 6. It breaks my heart to say that my parents dropped the ball because one dropped it for reasons beyond their control while the other made a choice to not take up the responsibility at all. Therefore, that parent should be the only one I am referring to as having dropped the ball. However, neither parent was actively involved in my training and development.

A child interprets love as time spent with them. Therefore, I could not have grasp the concept of the sacrifice one made, in the name of love, as a child. Neither could I have understood why one parent chose not to be part of my life. Them not being present translated as them not caring. I felt unloved and unwanted but they wouldn't have known that,  how could they! That is why I am grateful for my maternal grandparents who invested time in their retirement years to care for me. I was protected from the dangers I could not see then but none of it was able to protect my heart from being contaminated. They weren't there to replace my parents and so certain foundational building blocks were (and in some cases still are) missing.

As an adult who have been searching for answers regarding my history, I now have an insight into why the ball was dropped or not accepted and I am now able to start the process of releasing that deep-seated resentment that began even before I had knowledge of it. 

God gave the headship to the man, who then provides leadership for his household. It is the place where a child learns about their identity, knowing his/her worth, who they are and how loved they are. It means the world to a daughter to hear her father say, of her, how beautiful she is. Likewise, a boy needs to hear, “Son, I am so proud of you.” He needs to hear his father verbalize and show his pride for him. God demonstrated this in Matthew 3:17 at Jesus’ baptism: “This is My beloved Son, with whom I am well-pleased."

Children gain an understanding of their heavenly Father through the eyes of their earthly father, in partnership with his wife (their mother). If either mother or father is absent or they are present physically but disconnected, emotionally, the end result is the same—there are deficiencies that may or may not necessarily show up in their childhood but will most definitely be displayed in their adulthood. This deficiency will affect all their relationships. 

Recently, I reviewed past relationships with leaders I encountered on my journey, who were ineffective in the way they lead. My review was in the same way as I saw myself, through the eyes of that child in my dream (see part 1). Most adults I have come in contact with who were either always caught in an on-going battle with others or were simply conflict averse, were grown folks who had simply matured physically but still waiting to be mentally and emotionally matured. They too, may simply need to hear: “Your parents did love you; they just didn’t know how to show it.” I didn’t view it that way, at first, I simply chose to see them in light of the parents and heard God saying to me, “They do love you, they just didn’t and still do not know how to show it.” 

Maybe it wasn’t a parent for you but you can relate. It could have been an elder in your family or community; a leader in your church / faith group; a teacher or leader in your school, college or university.  

Do you need to hear those words today? Are you hurting from the neglect of parents or other leaders in your life? Would you like to hear your Master’s voice speaking life to you today? Then believe He sent His Word to bring you freedom today, He said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10b). 

If your parents (or the leader/s who have hurt/neglected you) are now dead, like the girl in my dream, He sent me to let you know that they did love you, they just didn’t know how to show it. You now have a choice to receive it and believe it. Once you choose to take God at His Word and accept that you are His precious child who is loved with an everlasting love (John 3:16); were created in His image (Gen. 1:27); are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139); then you will know that you are not an accident but that you were created for a purpose. Once you receive His gift of forgiveness which is freely available to all, you can begin to live the life of freedom that Jesus came to give. 

Assuming you have believed it and receive it! You are now released from the bondage to live from a place of freedom (John 8:36). You are not an accident! The enemy of our souls would have you believe that you are a mistake, that you are unloved, unwanted, a reject. I urge you to reject that spirit and accept what God says about you: 

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations” (Jer. 1:5). 

1 Peter 2:9 reminds us that we are royalty so may I encourage you today to walk with your head held high. You are a child of the King of kings, you are royalty! The time has come for you to: ‘Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you’ (Isa. 60:1). Now, let your light shine, like the star that you are.  

Today marks the start of what may be a slow or a quick start to you rising from the ashes of your past by receiving God’s Word, meditating on His Word and applying it to your life. So, in the words of Pastor Mike Todd, “Go live a transformed life” for that’s how you will begin to bear fruit that will remain and bring glory* to your heavenly Father. 

Copyright © 2021, Janice S Ramkissoon 

Notes: ______*John 15:8, “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”