Grief

Relationship is key. 

Most people won’t just share their challenges without a reason for sharing or simply because they’re asked, “How are you?” As believers, we must place a deeper emphasis on cultivating meaningful relationships with those we are connected to, especially those of the household of faith (Gal 6:10). Often, we settle for surface level connections and create no space for deeper connections. Many are simply craving that connection so the opportunity for meaningful conversations can be had. This is where heart connections take place and opens the door for the healing work to begin. 

If you lead a team within your church, may I encourage you to be purposeful about how you communicate with your team members. Each team member needs to be discipled. They need to know that they matter and not just their gifts. They need to have opportunities to share with you as a leader and with their team members, create space for that to happen. You also will be ministered to, through such sharing. It’s a symbiotic process. 

Unfortunately, in the season of a loved one’s early grief, neither counselling nor the internet was available to them like it is to us now. It aches my heart to see them living with the mental and emotional pain of the past and present hurt they are currently enduring. I often wondered what the outcome would have been, had they found that connection within their local church.  

I, on the other hand, chose to seek help through the church. The Bible tells me that, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Ps. 27:10). Scripture also says that God puts the lonely in families (Ps. 68:6). I grew up in the church and since I had no parental guidance, it was the only logical place to turn for help. 

I am now learning to deal with the disappointment of not having the guidance I sought from the local churches I’ve been part of. I am now also understanding why my loved one didn’t get the support needed. Nevertheless, I have seen how damaging it is to hold on to the pain, so I am determined to drop offences where necessary, not to pick up further offences and also to deal with the ones that need dealing with, as they appear. Doing this will help me to get unstuck so I can move forward in life and ministry. 

In my personal life, I have seen the unintentional damage from lack of parental guidance. Not having such leadership meant that my foundation was not as secure as I thought it was and that did not show up until I became a parent. Therefore, I made a decision to get the help I needed to become a better version of me.  

When I realized that more than a decade had passed and there was no teaching or guidance in areas I needed to grow in, I remembered the simplicity of the prayer in the dream I had. I then applied it to my situation asking God to teach me His ways (Psalm 119:33-40). The transformation process is now in progress, as I gain understanding through the various resources being made available from the wider church body; through reading His Word and doing what He says, as His Holy Spirit leads me into all truth (John 16:13).  

Just like the little girl in the dream, the resentment towards my parents for not being in my life had begun a process of hardening of the heart. That then led me to look to other leaders for direction. Many of those leaders either neglected their responsibilities or abused their authority. I no longer had a healthy view of leadership and I never felt protected by the leaders I had to submit to.  

Therefore, I found it difficult to trust that leaders would do what they promised. I felt uncovered.  

>>>Continues in Relationship is Key 3