Marriage

Vince (my husband) and I always try to find new and exciting ways to celebrate ‘Marriage Week’. Majority of the time it's based on sharing with others. We’ve organised a few events at two separate churches, attended similar events at other venues, including seminars run by organizations like ‘Care for the Family’. The year 2020 brought changes to how we did things and saw us booking online events such as 'Date Night at Home' delivered by Gary Chapman and making use of other online resources to educate ourselves and loved ones. 

Marriage Week has been celebrated here in the UK, since 1997. It is normally celebrated 7-14 February each year.  I quite enjoyed celebrating during the month of February because it placed us in the celebratory mood for our wedding anniversary the following month. There was a certain excitement in the air. We even incorporated our anniversary celebrations within two of the events of the 'Marriage Week' celebrations we helped to organize in the past. However, since 2019, Marriage Week has been celebrated in the month of May. I’m just about getting to grips with this change. This article is one of the ways in which I have chosen to celebrate this year, in addition to sharing video clips and other resources with friends on Facebook.

For those of you who are familiar with my writing, you may have recognized my desire for marriage maintenance and all-round healthy relationships. That’s because I entered into marriage unprepared for all the challenges that came with being married. I found that I was deficient in so many ways that I felt so inadequate and I just couldn't get the help I sought from the church groups I was part of. I began researching and the understanding I gained I wanted to share with other wives and husbands to help them look beyond the surface and find the root of their problems, deal with the issues and grow in their love for each other. 

I also wanted parents to recognize the value of their presence, in the lives of their children. I needed parents to understand that how they treat their children today, will directly impact their lives in the future. That means the health of their marriages will depend on the health of their childhood. My life began not from a healthy relationship—I’ve accepted and have come to terms with my entry to this world. I am here, not as a mistake but because I was chosen to be here for such a time as this. For a long time, I believed the lie, from the enemy, that 'I don’t belong' because I was rejected, not just by my father but by other leaders placed in my life. That greatly affected my outlook as a wife in the early years, especially when in the presence of my husband's family. Therefore, Marriage Week is not just about the married couples, it's about all who are connected to them, especially their children.

Now, I know that I am loved by my heavenly Father who created me perfectly, in His image; He formed me in my mother’s womb and placed me in a family. In that family, I was loved by grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins and the community of people I was connected to in my neighbourhood and within our church.  God later revealed to me that my parents did love me, they just didn’t know how to show it.

Nevertheless, everywhere I go I find myself surrounded by unhealthy relationships and after four, soon to be five decades, I'm not finding improvement! It seems to be getting worse. Now, you may say I am the common denominator here and if that’s you, congratulations! You’ve hit the nail right on the head—you're so right, I am! So, guess what! I've been on a journey of discovery. On that journey I found that we're all connected. What was done centuries ago still affects me today. We all have a past and we all have a future. Our past impacts our present and our present will impact our future (which will be someone else's present). If we don't take the time to learn from the past, we will inevitably repeat past mistakes and continue that negative cycle. For this reason, we've been making book recommendations this year to help educate on conflict management and how to be a peacemaker.

I intend to leave this little space I occupy, a little better and brighter than how I found it. So, I am educating myself and improving where necessary. This will enable me to be a better version of myself. Unhealthy habits that have formed negative patterns has to be reformed, in order for new healthy habits to be formed. That's a life-long journey. So, if you're a husband or a wife working on correcting past mistakes in your life and are breaking generational chains that has held you bound, hang in there! This too shall pass! 

I've never felt loved by my biological father. Some of you reading this may also relate. He never had a relationship with my mother and never took the opportunities presented, to meet me and show me that love. So, I felt unloved, unworthy and unwanted. That kind of rejection travels with you through life—That feeling of not belonging. It made it difficult to understand God as a loving, caring and compassionate Father, especially when other leaders mistreat others. It's worse when it's a minor that gets that treatment because they begin to form their world-view through such distorted lens. 

My journey has taken me on the path of on-going learning, to help myself and loved ones enjoy healthy relationships. Our first life-lesson teachers are in the home but often we are unaware of our responsibilities and the impact to the next generation, when we drop the ball. I see many children like me, growing up without the positive influence of their parents—the first leaders and teachers in their lives. It is then difficult for them to navigate this space called life. And they are the ones, who are least cared for, in society. They don't know how to behave in certain spaces (they lack the basic training). They are often neglected because they aren't seen. 

This is one of the reasons I get excited about Marriage Week each year. If one of the articles or videos I share can save a marriage; keep parents together and develop the bond between couples, our next generation of leaders will have a better platform from which to leap.  They will be better husbands, fathers and leaders in their homes. The healthier our homes the healthier children will be and they will enter into society well rounded individuals. So, each time I share, I pray that God will breathe upon my sharing and cause it to save lives.

Hosea 4:6 makes it clear that we are destroyed from lack of knowledge, so on this journey, I am seeking to further educate myself and those connected to me, around the topic of: 

1. Marriage maintenance; 
2. Parenting (Teenagers & Adult children);
3. Effective communication; and
4. Conflict Management; 

Thank you for taking the time to read this article and for any resource you may choose to share with me or others as a result of this article. 

Copyright © 2021, Janice S. Ramkissoon 

Article 1 in contribution to Marriage Week UK| 10-16 May 2021 

Edited: 16th May 2021