Gospel
Ch 1
It was 2 am on a Saturday morning. My sister was there passed out on the floor, with blood everywhere and a blade in her hand. Mom crying to see her little baby like this.
Mom saying “just hold on… I know you can, they’ll be here soon.” Mom turns to me and yells,” HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?”
I didn’t know what to say. Sis told me not to tell mom about this. Great. I’m going to get screamed at more. I have bruises to show for that. Like she’ll care if I do that. She’ll just shrug it off. She only cares about her little baby, my little sister Mandy.
Finally the ambulance arrives. They put her in the back. They said she lost a lot of blood. I say duh. I hate seeing my sister like this.
Mom says, “You’re staying here, you’ll only get in the way.”
Thanks mom I love you too. “Ok.” I say. Do I always have to look after her every waking minute of my day? I was sleeping.
The ambulance drives off with Mandy and mom in it. I just sit there. Might as well go out with Joe while they’re gone. They’ll be there awhile.
I call up Joe and he comes right over. He gives me a hug. I say thanks for coming and he says anytime. He is such a caring friend. He’s the only one that would consider coming over… I just start crying in his arms.
He asks, “Where’s your mom and Mandy?”
I just start crying more. He realizes its them that are the matter. “Your sister?”
“She may bleed to death and it’s my fault.”
”What??”
“She’s been cutting and she begged me to not tell mom and so I didn’t. I’m responsible for her. She’s supposed to be the innocent one because she’s younger.”
“You know you can’t control your sister. She is responsible for her own actions. You can’t start blaming yourself for what you can’t control.”
“Sure I can, watch me. You should go, I need some time alone to think.”
“You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
Yes, I should, I need to deal with this my own way. I’ll call ya when I get up today. Bye.”
“Fine, bye.”
Joe leaves, looking concerned and worried about me. He may care but he’s few. Mom wouldn’t care if I were bleeding on the floor like she was. She’ll just give me a kick and say get up. I’m not even her daughter. I’m only there because I have to be. My mom left me on child services doorstep. But I have to call her mom. I can have her arrested if I wanted to. Bruises all over my body. Doesn’t really help that my older brother Brian is a drugie and when he does show up, he’s either high or drunk. Mom is usually out with another guy or working one of her two jobs. I’m always grounded so I’m not supposed to go anywhere but always sneak out of the house. It’s so great to go parting. I head over to Jen’s and borrow some of her dancing clothes and makeup. She is so cool. Then we go dancing at one of the clubs you have to be 21 to get into; fake ids are the best.
Phone rings. It’s mom. She says Mandy will be fine; she has to stay in the hospital for a couple days. I breathe a sigh of relief. She tells me to find a way up here if I want to see her. I say alright. She hangs up.
Do I even want to go and see her? She wouldn’t do the same for me. She’d be buying drugs from Tom down the street. All she cares about is herself. After her and Billy broke up she hasn’t been the same. I can tell for one thing she wanted to die tonight. She cut more deep than ever before. I wonder if she got a vein. Don’t know.
Ch 2
I wake up the next day to someone banging on the door, what a fun way to wake up. Its Jen and surprisingly Tom to ask me how I was and what’s going on with my sister.
“You woke me up to ask me about my sister. Thanks.”
Tom says, “Don’t you even care about your sister?”
“Like you give a damn about her. Don’t act like I don’t know you sell her drugs.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jen intervenes and says, “Chill out you two.”
“Why should I be calm? My sister is in the hospital because she tried to kill herself by cutting her wrists. She lost a lot of blood but mom says she’ll be fine.”
“What?” Tom says.
“You heard me.”
Jen’s like, “Why did she do this?”
“I have my thoughts on it. I swear I’m going to kill Billy the next time I see him. Ever since he broke up with her she’s been doing some stupid crap. She’s not good at dealing with stuff.”
“What do you think he did to her?” Jen asks.
“I have no idea. I know exactly how I’m going to find out.”
Tom asks, “How?”
“Just ask her. I’m her big sister, she tells me everything. She won’t open up unless I start asking. When she’s out of the hospital I’ll talk to her.”
“That’s too simple. What happens if she doesn’t feel comfortable telling you?” Jen asks.
“She knows I’ve been where she is at. I have never told anything she has asked me not to tell to anyone. I have her trust. She’s always comfortable telling me anything. Believe me.”
“ok…” Jen says.
“Well, I need to go, talk at ya lata.” Tom says.
“I should go too,” Jen says.
“Bye guys.”
They leave and I’m here alone again. Shouldn’t put stress on her when she’s in the hospital. I so want to kill Billy for making my little sister miserable. He just wanted to use her. I don’t know if he did but I’ll be sure to find out when I see her next.
Mom finally comes home to get clothes for work. She has to be to work in a half hour. Better not get in her way.
“What in the hell were you thinking not telling me that she cuts?”
“Mandy asked me not to tell you so I didn’t.”
“So? She could’ve died because of you!”
“Fine. Everything that happens that’s wrong is my fault.”
“Don’t you give me that attitude.”
“I’m just agreeing with you.”
Mom comes over and slaps me and says “You ungrateful little brat. You know I can kick you out when you turn 18 you know?”
“I plan to move out when I’m 18. All you give a shit about is your little baby. Your little princess. Look what she is doing to herself. Look at it.”
“How dare you say that about Mandy.”
She hits me on the arm, pushes me to the floor and kicks me a couple times in the stomach and then hits me on the back and then walks away. She walks out the door and into her car and leaves to go to work.
“Dude, that hurts…”
ch 3
As I slowly try to get up, I hear someone at the door again. Do people ever leave?
“Who is it?” I yell.
“Billy.”
What in the hell is he doing here?
“Not now, she isn’t here. Check the hospital.”
“No, I wanted to talk to you.”
Great. I can hardly stand up let alone walk and now I’m going to get my ass beat again because Tom can’t keep his big mouth shut. Two people I have to kill.
“What do you want?”
“For you to come here.”
“So you can kick my ass too?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I bet you want to kick my ass or hurt me cuz I want to kill you which you just heard from Tom, am I right?”
“No. I’ve been changing ever since I’ve broke up with your sister. I realize I’m the reason why she tried to do this. I realize how much of a jerk I’ve been towards you and your sister. I did things to your sister that if you knew them would want to kill me.”
“I already want to kill you. So, what’s your point?”
“I just want to say sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
Wow, he means it, he didn’t look down or act like he has to do this.
“I don’t know what to say…”
“That’s a first.”
“Why are you changing?”
“Because I’ve decided to do something. I’ve decided to give my life over to somebody. I’m living for God. I’m not going to do all the stuff I used to do. I’m going to serve God and show Him to people who don’t know Him.”
“Yea right. You just want me to believe that you have changed so I won’t beat the shit out of you when I can. You want to use my sister just like before. You want everybody to be miserable.”
“That isn’t true, I’m going to change.”
“Sure, whatever.”
“I need to go. Bye.”
“Bye.”
What in the world was that about? If there even were a God he wouldn’t go and do that. He doesn’t like to feel uncomfortable. It was so obvious that he was uncomfortable. Don’t know what’s up with him but I’m not buying it.
Ch 4
Ugggg… that one will leave a bruise. Great, lets be sore all day and not be able to move. I hate that bitch so much. I wish she would die. Stomach hurts so bad. I feel like I’m going to throw up. Great, can’t keep anything down today. I want to get out of this fucken house. I should just move out now. She won’t care, she’ll get a check for the next two months and then I’m gone. That day I’m so going to be moving out.
Jen just comes in and sees I’m still on the floor trying to make it over to a couch so I could lie down and fall asleep. She comes over and says what happened.
“What do you think happened? She beat me again.”
“Why did she do it this time?”
“I don’t know nor do I care. It’s different every time. It isn’t as bad as that one time when I started to bleed.”
“Why are you holding your stomach?”
“She kicked my stomach and it hurts.”
“You may have eternal bleeding.”
“I’m not going to go to the hospital. Not when Mandy is there. I have to show her I’m the strong one.”
“To hell being the strong one. You could die if you have eternal injury.”
“So? Like many would notice.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nobody would notice I’m gone.”
“Girl, you can’t die on me here. I don’t want to go through the same thing I’ve went through with Cathy. She was selfish. I miss her so much and I know you do too.”
“Yea, I miss her… your right. Don’t want to die yet. I don’t need to go to the hospital.”
I try to stand up and I fall again.
“Stomach hurts so bad…”
“I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“No, you’re not taking me.”
I try to fight her off but can’t really, decide not to try to fight. She puts me in her car and we head to the hospital, the same one Mandy is at.
“Why do we have to go to this one? There is only five in this area.”
“Because this one is the best. And if you die, you’ll be with your sister.”
“Thanks. I needed that.”
“I don’t know how bad it is.”
“Uhhhh.. hurts so bad…”
“I know sweetie. Just hold on.”
“ok…”
Finally make it to the hospital. Don’t want to be here. Just want things to be simple again…
Ch 5
I slowly hear voices around me but I don’t know who. Can’t open eyes cuz I’m still too tired and in a trance. Slowly regaining consciousness. Starting to become aware of what’s around me. Hooked up to one of them stupid IV’s. grrrrr… where’s Jen? Where’s Mandy? Are they all right?
The doctor comes over and says good morning.
“When you’re out, you’re out aren’t you?”
“What, huh? What’s going on?”
“You’re lucky to be alive. You have internal bleeding. We’re waiting for your mother to come so we can have her permission to do surgery.”
“Like she’ll come. She wants to see me die.”
“Your mother loves you.”
“My real mother dropped me off on someone’s doorstep and my other mom doesn’t give a shit. Might as well release me. I’m taking up space that someone else can be using in a real emergency.”
“You have eternal injuries and you’re bleeding inside. We are not going to release you.”
“Fine, can’t move anyways.”
The doctor leaves the room. I just lay there with nothing to do. I wander where Mandy is. I call for the nurse and ask her if she knows someone by the name of Mandy. She asks me was she here for bleeding really bad because she cut herself. I say yea, that’s my sister.
“That’s your sister? Wow, you don’t look anything alike.”
“I’m in her house, I’m a foster person. I’m older than her by more than a year.”
“Oh, I understand now. They released her today a little earlier.”
“I’m glad she is out. Is anyone here to see me?”
“Actually yes, someone by the name of Jen, Tom and Billy are out there. You can pick which one comes in first. Which one do you want?”
Lets think. Who do I want to talk to. I want to talk to Mandy but she isn’t here.
“Jen.”
“Ok, she’ll be right here. Be right back.”
Jen runs towards me and give me a hug the best she can in the hospital bed.
“Like I said, I should’ve stayed home. Mom won’t come and you know it.”
“So? Because she doesn’t care about you you’re going to die, that isn’t right.”
“Who said I was going to die?”
“Nobody. But internal bleeding causes death.”
“So everybody knows?”
“Not too much, only those who I thought would be good. Tom and Billy were up here wanting to visit your sister. She got released before they got here. They asked me why I’m here and I said for you. I told them.”
“I don’t care if they know.”
“Ok.”
“Go and tell the nurse I want to see Tom next. And please go and get my sister. I want to see her.”
“Alright.”
She leaves and now I’m here alone again. Pain in stomach isn’t there anymore. Probably because of all the drugs they have in me.
Ch 6
Tom finally makes his way back here.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hello, how are you feeling?”
“Wow, he asks how I am. That’s like a first. I’m fine. Don’t feel that bad because of all the drugs they have in me.”
“Figures.”
“Why do you act like you care and you really don’t?”
“I do care. I’ve decided I wanted to get out of the gang I’m in. its destructive. I’m destroying my own life. I had a good talk with Billy.”
“What about?”
“Stuff that he used to do. A thing that he did that he wasn’t proud of. I know a lot more than you do.”
“So, why do I care?”
“Dunno, not sure.”
“Ok, ask the nurse over there to make Billy come back.”
“Fine, I see how much I’m cared about.”
“Sorry. Just getting board talking to you.”
“Oh, I’ll bring him out.”
Billy’s coming back. Wander if he’s still trying to get me to believe he’s really changed.
“Hi,” I say.
“Howdy. How are you feeling? I should’ve been the one to bring you to the hospital because I was there before Jen.”
“What good would that of done? Mom won’t come and sign any of the papers. You know she doesn’t care.”
“I know she doesn’t. And it isn’t right. I want to be able to do something to help you.”
“I have no idea what you can do, rather than stay away from my sister. I don’t want you to put lies into her head that you’ve changed.”
“Seriously, I have changed, you just don’t realize it.”
“You lied to me so many times how do I know you’re not lying to me now?”
“Because I’m not lying ok? I’m going to prove I can be trusted again. I’m not going to lie, cheat, steal, anything like that anymore. God is so much more important to me in my life.”
“Who is this God you’re talking about? I bet He wouldn’t want someone that screwed up so many times like you did.”
“That’s the thing. God is merciful. He forgives me for all the things I’ve ever did wrong. His son died in my place. God’s son came down to this earth and become flesh and died on a cross for my sins so I wouldn’t have to die. His son lived a sinless life.”
“Now I’m going to call you Preacher Billy.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Sure. And why do you think I’ll buy this?”
“Don’t know. But I will show you who He is.”
“Go get my sister. She should be here by now.”
“Alright.”
Billy leaves. Dang he is driving me crazy. Has he really changed? It never seemed as though he would. Don’t know what to think anymore.
Ch 7
“Hi Mandy!!” I say sounding really excited.
”Hi! How are you feeling?” Mandy sounding even more excited.
“I’m fine, I just want to get released from the hospital is all.”
“I know how that goes.”
“You should. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what is it sis?”
“Why did you start cutting and why did you try to kill yourself?”
“I should’ve known you’d ask this. Just everything that’s been going on around me. All the shootings, all the people around me that acted like they cared but when it comes down to it they don’t. I’ve been talking to Billy a lot now. I’ve been talking to him about how he has changed. I’ve seen a drastic difference in him that nothing can explain. Even when were alone he don’t act like the same Billy. He really has changed. He told me about God. Who God is. How God can save me from everything that I’ve been going through. And know what. I’ve decided to give my life over to God. I finally have a reason to live. I’m finally truly happy. Please live for Him too.”
For the first time I don’t know what to say. Billy has lied to my sister so much, he just wants her. He would’ve tried something by now. He hasn’t. I can tell when someone uses my sister. Is this God really real? Can I trust Him even if He is real?
“Are you ok sis?”
“Uhhh.”
“How do you give your life over to him?” I say as I start to cough.
“You first have to admit you’re a sinner. You messed up. Then you have to acknowledge Jesus died for your sins. His blood washes your sins clean. You have to believe that Jesus lived a sinless life. And you have to believe that Jesus rose by the power of God and is now at the right hand of God.”
“Is it that simple?”
“Yes. Let me pray with you. Father God I come before you. You know all of our lives better than we did. Help my sister to know you. To experience who you are. I pray that she accepts you right now O Lord. Help her to see your glory. Amen.”
“Amen.”
“You are born again. Do you believe all of what I just said?”
”Yes.” I’m starting to feel lightheaded.
“Awesome!” Mandy gives me a hug.
“Hey sis, could you go in and get Billy?”
“Sure!”
She leaves. Wow. I feel different now. I feel new. A fresh start. I like those.
Billy finally comes back here.
“Yey! You accepted Christ!! Wooohoooo!!”
“Yes I have.” I say smiling.
“Doesn’t it feel great?”
“Yes it does. Look, I’m sorry for not believing you earlier. I feel like a jerk.”
“Its fine. Now do you believe me I’ve changed?”
“Yes. Hey, I’m tired, what to go to sleep.”
“Alright. Talk at ya later.”
“Bye.”
Head hurts so bad. Stomach pains more than I can handle. I cough and blood comes up. It usually doesn’t do that. I can’t breathe. The heart monitor thing is going haywire. Start to fall into a deathly sleep. I sense people all around me but I can’t do anything. Can’t move. Am I even breathing anymore? Don’t feel anything anymore. I’m not there anymore. They can’t do anything much because they can’t operate on me. I’m not there anymore. I feel lifted up. I’m going up. Dunno where but somewhere.
They say “There’s that child that just accepted you Lord. Let her through. She doesn’t know what to say. But she knows you.”
“She is mine. You may enter my rest my child.”
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