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The Bottomless Pit Part 3

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
09/05/15
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 Dealing with the sin in my life

During my dating years I hid from church gatherings. I felt I couldn't face those people who had spoken the Word over my life, in sermons, through Sunday school lessons and youth fellowship. I felt that I had let my church family down and therefore I was plagued with guilt. I grew up in a Christian environment and knew how people thought about those who had not been living according to the principles of the Bible.

I feared the look of condemnation I would receive from the church folks. They were my safe haven. It would break my heart to feel rejected by them so I didn’t give them the opportunity to reject me. I avoided them instead. Unfortunately, I didn't understand that the church was filled with individuals like me who were daily in need of forgiveness.

Although I didn't want to face the church family, I also didn't want to disappoint them by staying in the gutters of my life. I began to search for a place of fellowship in my new country of residence.

I visited many churches before finding the one that felt like home. While attending one of those many churches a pastor prayed with me after I shared a testimony. After the prayer, he said to me, "You need to forgive or your heavenly Father will not forgive you." It was the key to my freedom. I reluctantly opened the door to my freedom, knowing that the journey ahead was going to be a painful one but I was determined to be freed.

I didn't know who I needed to forgive. I wasn't in malice with anyone. So I was baffled. It was a distressing week trying to figure out who I needed to forgive. The following week we had a guest speaker who said, from the pulpit, "Don't say you don't know what sin is in your life...ask God and He will show you." I received that as a message from God. That week I fasted and prayed for God to reveal to me what sin was in my life. It was revealed that I resented my mother and father for not parenting me.

Today I am still going through that process of cleansing and I am seeing the fruit of the Spirit developing in my character, helping me to choose forgiveness over resentment on a daily basis.

More rejections

Whilst trying to find the missing link to the passion I had for serving Christ and the emptiness I felt within and in my life, I faced more rejections. It didn't matter where I turned for help, the result was the same.

My outlook on life needed readjusting. My whole attitude towards others and myself needed a makeover but I couldn’t see that because I was still a little child trapped in an adult’s body. I had the mind of a child who was still waiting to receive the love of my parents. I needed training but the people around me didn’t know that. They just saw an adult who was acting up.

I’ve been called a snub. I’ve been branded anti-social. I’ve been called rude, bossy, prideful, judgemental, self-righteous, too sensitive and a host of names that really doesn’t reflect my true character but others cannot see in an adult a little child waiting to be released—longing to be loved and cared for. So, I went on a mission to release the child that was trapped within.

My parents missed the importance of training me up and so I was lacking in so many ways. There was no one else to take up the role that God had specifically designed for my parents. However, as an adult, I had a choice to seek God’s will for my life and live out that purpose. I could no longer wait on my parents to do what they should have done or I would never begin to live.

Eventually, I Prayed for help to forgive my parents for not parenting me and I was able to move forward. It wasn't a miraculous process that happened overnight. Forgiveness is an ongoing process. It found me reading the Bible and praying for daily guidance, recognising that I could not achieve success in my own strength. I learned to trust God and not my own understanding. I needed to follow the instructions that God gives, in order to release the resentment step by step and be able to walk in freedom.

It has been a bumpy ride but I'm now taking leaps instead of the baby steps I began with. I was able to release the resentment towards my parents. But with the rejections along the way, I've had to practice forgiveness on a daily basis in order to stay on the path of freedom.

The church we are now part of are very family-friendly which helps with the healing process. They accepted us as gifts to the body, acknowledging us as conquerors and loving us back to life.

With the love I've received from my church family, I'm able to easily release the hurts along the way and forgive those people. I've also been able to look back and extend that forgiveness to others who have hurt me in the past. One such case is that of the young man I was engaged to:

Now looking back, I can feel compassion for him and I say a prayer not just for his healing but for his mother who bore the burdens of a single parent as well as his father who missed out on the life of his son and the opportunity to inspire a generation of youth.

That young man didn't have a father in his life and was filled with rage from all the empty promises from his father.  Unfortunately, I was bearing the brunt of his anger and could easily have ended up being a bitter old woman, a mentally confused woman or in my grave, where I couldn't go about serving God's purposes. But thanks be to God, I am here using my experience to encourage others.

Like King David, the Psalmist, I can say: "I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angels of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them" (Psalm 34:4-7).

He heard my cry, answered my prayers and now I sing in the words of Williams Franklin: "Your grace and mercy, brought me through. I'm living this moment because of you. I want to thank you and praise you too for your grace and mercy is what brought me through." Hallelujah!

This is part of my journey of overcoming parental neglect, relationship abuse and walking the path of forgiveness.

The journey continues...

Links to: The Bottomless Pit Part 1, The Bottomless Pit Part 2: http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=179694 and The Bottomless Pit Part 3: http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=179695