“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."Romans 10:13
The moment I had a reality check and came to the knowledge that hell was real, I was already on my way there—blinded to the truth. As a young adult, I had my entire life ahead of me. Well, that's what everyone kept saying to me and of course I believed it. Death was not something I spent time thinking about.
I was close to completing university. The world was my oyster! I dreamt of the career path I would take, the family I would have and the many things I would go on to achieve.
Although I had made a decision to follow Christ, as my Lord and Saviour, I was simply wearing a title—'Christian'— and performing the rituals that accompany church attendance. I was not a dedicated, committed, follower of Christ. My service was simply based on serving/doing what I was told to do. Growth had not yet begun. The teaching of the Bible was not yet applied to every aspect of my life.
Third Year Placement:
I was on my work placement (the third year of a sandwich course) at university when I had my reality check. I had finally gained my freedom, or so I thought.
Although I didn't know it then, I was searching for love--something to fill the void left inside from the lack of parental love. I thought I had found it in a young man whom some of the members of the church I grew up in thought was a perfect match for me. We had a platonic relationship which lasted, long distance, for six years. I was excited to see him after my years of absence. Then it became apparent that the long wait had taken its toll on the relationship. He found another and my heart was broken.
The pain was evident to others and one young man took advantage of the situation. He presented me with a pocket Bible to ease my pain. Then he slowly eased his way into my heart. Through his ungodly behaviour, I allowed the enemy access to my mind.
One day, after we got engaged, his abusive nature was revealed. It was the beginning of a downward spiral that found me living in fear and seeking refuge. He became very controlling and though his abusive behaviour was always followed with an apology he was never repentant. He would simply repeat the process when he got angry.
Three friends had previously suspected he didn't love me and that he had ulterior motives. However, each time he apologised, I chose to give him another chance. I like to see the good in others. Since we all make mistakes, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance.
Unfortunately, change did not come in time for me to believe the relationship could survive.I didn't know what to expect from a future husband. I had no father to provide an example but I knew what I was receiving wasn't healthy. It certainly was not God's will for my life.
Eventually I developed the confidence and built up the courage to end the engagement, after returning from my work placement. At that point I had decided, the convent was the right place for me.
Prior to ending the engagement, we were in a motor vehicle accident which found me crying out to God for rescue. It was the young man's actions leading up to, at the time of, and shortly after the accident that opened my eyes to the truth that he didn't love me. He didn't have an understanding of what love was so he couldn't show me love. He confused lust with love. And I wasn't wise enough to detect the camouflage.
As we stood waiting for a taxi, late one evening, he became very anxious and irritable as the darkness approached. He wasn't a patient man. As we waited, there was a vehicle speeding down the hill. I had a strong desire not to take that vehicle. At the time, I didn't quite understand the whole process of The Holy Spirit speaking to me and the need to respond in obedience. Even though I was bold enough to suggest waiting for another taxi, I was overcome with fear when he refused to wait, demanding that I got into the taxi. Afraid of his rage, I obeyed him.
Psalm 107:17 says this, "Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities." I would have been counted among those referred to in this Scripture at the time. What happened next opened my eyes to the truth of this Scripture.
Continues in The Bottomless Pit part 2