Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: The Deep End (03/06/14)
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TITLE: Differences | Previous Challenge Entry
By Steve McClure
03/11/14 -
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The tall, slender, punk-dressed teen turned toward the voice. “Class, Man.”
“Class?! Dude, you went yesterday. C’mon, we’re goin’ for….” The like-dressed youngster curled thumb and forefinger against his pierced lips and feigned a drag. His punker buddy did the same and both laughed.
Scratching his thin, scraggly beard, Zeke walked over to the pair. “It’s just that there’s this new chick in my class, Man. Sits right next to me. Nice.”
“The new chick? In your class? I’ve seen her. She’s a fox.”
“Yeah. I just like sittin’ next to her, y’know?.” The small diamond pierced into the middle of Zeke’s lower lip flashed in the sunlight. “I’ll catch ya’ later, Ritchie.”
“Never knew you to turn down a reefer, Man.”
Zeke shrugged his shoulders as he walked off.
He strolled into class, toward the seated, slender, modestly dressed girl with lengthy, full-bodied auburn hair. She smiled through warm, deep-blue eyes as he sat down. He allowed a slight smile in return. “Hi, Lilly.”
She turned her head slightly toward him, pencil gently caressing her smooth cheek, and studied his frizzy, bleach-blonde hair and diamond stud.
“Mr. Donovan,” the heavy-set teacher bellowed to Zeke. “You’ve been in class every day so far this week. I think that’s a record.”
Laughter.
“Mr. Donovan, why don’t you remind us what page we’re on.”
Zeke panicked and looked at Lilly. She mouthed, ninety-two.
After class, Zeke followed Lilly into the hallway. “Say, Lilly,” he called. “Maybe we could get a coke or something after school.”
Lilly turned around and looked at him long and deliberately. “I’ll tell you what, Zeke. I attend a group function on Thursday evenings. Why don’t you come along?”
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Zeke showed up at the address Lilly gave – a church. Not his thing, but he said he’d come. He entered the open side door and immediately noticed several kids like himself – punkers.
“Glad you could make it.” Lilly was behind him. She introduced him to several kids. A few seemed cut from the same mould as Lilly, but most were more like him. Yet, some seemed…well, different. They showed remnants of punk, but…. He couldn’t put his finger on it.
“Dan, meet Zeke.” Dan was a big man, tall and very stocky. Mid-to-late 20s, Zeke guessed – clean-shaven, short haircut, in jeans and a T-shirt.
“Good to meet you, Zeke.” Dan smiled and held out his large hand. Zeke took it and received a firm shake. “You meet the group?” For a big man, Dan was rather soft-spoken.
“Yeah, most of ‘em, I guess.”
“Good.” He turned to Lilly. “About time to get started.”
She nodded and called, “OK, everybody take a seat.”
Zeke sat between two other punkers. One sported a hot pink Mohawk about a foot high.
“Let’s open with a word of prayer.” Dan briefly thanked the Lord for the group and prayed for grace upon them all. Zeke started to feel uncomfortable.
“You all meet Zeke?” Dan looked at mostly nodding heads around the room. “OK, good. Who’s got something to share?”
A few kids said some things. Mostly, difficult things – about family, school, friends…even personal issues. Zeke identified with some. But they also shared light-hearted, humorous things, and a couple of times Zeke felt he would burst laughing.
Dan looked at Zeke and raised his eyebrows – a subtle invitation to speak. Zeke shook his head.
Then, Dan started to talk….
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“Zeke! Where you been, Dude? Like you fell in a hole, or somethin’.”
“Hey, Ritchie. I’ve been around. Just doing different things, I guess.”
“What you holdin’? …Books?! You turnin’ egghead?”
“Been studying a bit.”
“You cut your hair. And shaved! …What’s with you, Man? Even your stud. You tryin’ to make the fam happy?”
“Well, they’re glad the stud’s gone. But, I’m just looking at things a bit differently.”
“What differently? What’s that mean, Man?”
“You ever hear of Youth for Christ?”
“Whoa, Dude….” Ritchie backed away, holding out his hands and crossing his two forefingers. “Don’t wanna hear this, Man. Don’t wanna hear.”
“Dunno. Maybe you should check it out.”
“So, that’s what’s happened to you.”
“Other punkers are there. They’re cool with it.”
“Not me, Man. No way. Look what they’ve done to you?” Richie turned and walked away.
“Just got me to thinking differently, that’s all.”
“Yeah, you’re different, alright,” Richie called over his shoulder. “You’ve gone off the deep end!”
Many are called, but few are chosen – Matt 22:14
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I loved the realistic ending.
God bless~
I have just one suggestion for your writing that might be helpful. In this sentence: He strolled into class, toward the seated, slender, modestly dressed girl with lengthy, full-bodied auburn hair.
That's quite a mouthful and maybe too many adjectives for a single sentence. Give the reader a little bit here and there without giving it all away at first.
This is a charming story.