Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Sharp (03/07/13)
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TITLE: On The Road | Previous Challenge Entry
By Wesley Hesketh
03/11/13 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
all I tried has failed.
My anger scream's relentless
morning it's sad tale.
Is seem no matter where I go.
I can't get a break.
I've tries so many different things
I don't know what it takes.
I hide in all my sinfulness
my body is so weak.
I will stop this, I insist!
failing as I speak.
I sit down in a quiet spot
to try to hear God's voice.
I looked for Him everywhere.
but I could not rejoice.
I call out from my hiding place
maybe He was near.
But all I got is echoing
I don't think He could hear.
I feel so low I can't get up
the weight I cannot bear.
A sharp clash of lightening
announced that He's there.
In fear I stand before Him
He said He understands.
The sin that plagues my life
plagues my fellow man.
He reaches down and touched me
His strength floods my soul.
The sin so long inside me
is gone and I am whole.
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I think I noticed a few tiny typos like should it be its mourning instead of its morning? And it seems instead of is scream. A proofreader would help you catch tiny things like that.
Overall, I think you did a lovely job. The pain in the beginning oozed off of the page until Jesus finds it and scoops it in his hand, releasing so many burdens through the power of his nail-hole hands. Beautiful