The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/12/06
Strong writing! Very good! I personally love the ending (but can tell you that 99% of FW will want to stone you for that! lol!) I think the story was great but felt just a touch formal in a few places .. .a bit too structured... didn't quite deliver the emotion fully. And only in a little way. The rest of it was spot on and you'll get more than a few votes, perhaps even place. Great job! (can't wait to see what the others say about your ending! Welcome to the club!)
05/13/06
I think that there's a larger lesson here, a warning to watch where we place our hope. Well written.
05/13/06
I have to agree with Maxx, I loved your ending. You left us (the reader) hoping. You nailed the theme. This story was awesome, unpredictable and dramatic.I was completly surprised when I read that Hope was taken. Great job.
05/13/06
Sequel, please! Very well done. One little thing that bugged me (so little I am ashamed to mention it) but: "his daughter got missing". I think "went missing" is correct here. But this was great.
05/15/06
I have to agree with Lynda on the grammar - I'm sorry; after 4 years of college, things like that stick out to me. However, from an artistic view point, your story was both eloquent and engaging. Well done!
05/16/06
I thought it was a great read...right up until you lost me. There is no way a police force in any civilized city would ever tell someone they had to wait 24 hours in a child abduction case. The first hour is crucial in those circumstances, and, at least here in the U.S. you'd have the local, state and federal authorities all over a case like this as soon as the parents reported the child missing. It seems like a little thing, but it invalidated the rest of the story for me because, from that point on, it was unrealistic to me. Up to there, though, you totally had me. :>)
05/16/06
I loved your story. Well-written and compelling to read. The ending was a cliff-hanger and left us hoping for good news. Personally, I need chapter two. You conveyed sorrow and fear and hope with strong, realistic words. Good job.
05/17/06
Well Joe. I happen to live in Nigeria and the police would definitely ask you to wait for twenty four hours before you report a missing person, even if that person is a child. Sorry if I lost you but that's how it is here.
05/17/06
My mistake. It goes to show that all of us can be ignorant of situations in other parts of the world at times. I was just pointing this out to someone else the other the day, that, sometimes, the biggest challenge for me can be writing in a way that doesn't lose audience from other cultures. I keep forgetting how many on this site are from all over the world, and taking more of a world view approach is something I'm still learning how to do. I apologize if I offended or hurt you in any way with my comment...maybe a line about the Nigerian police being either apathetic to such situations or something to indicate that they are so common(?) that the police are too overwhelmed, would have helped me, as someone who lives in a different world, understand better.