The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1244 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
02/20/06
You have some great indredients here. I like a lot of your descriptions and metaphors- love the boat "galloping towards the finish line." I think you need to trim away some of the adjectives and adverbs for easier reading. Keep writing!
02/21/06
How exciting! I like your story. Your characters are well developed.
02/22/06
I liked the suspense toward the end of this piece. I was glued to the screen. And the ending - awww. Very nice.
I've had trouble leaving a comment (some computer or server problem) but am so glad I've been able to get back on because this was a beautiful story that I really enjoyed reading. Although not a sailor, I could feel the spray on my face and the excitement as they "galloped toward the finish line." Great writing. Well done.
I enjoyed your creative descriptions, like the boat "rolling like a penny". I also liked Fred's personality that was well expressed through his dialog and actions. Would have liked to see a bit of dialog from Becky though; it would add to the emotional attachment so the reader would care even more when she fell into the water.

Also, this started in Fred's point of view, but had a bit of her's just before she fell in, then went back to his. Not sure if it was intentional, but I was told it's not a good idea to switch pov in such a short piece, so I thought I'd point it out just in case. :) Overall, a very enjoyable read and nice ending.
02/25/06
This was a fun read! I'm not familiar with all the terms you used, but you wrote it well enough to make me think I understood (does that make sense?). You did swith the POV around from Fred to Becky to the guy on the other boat. But your descriptions were spot-on for helping us fly along above the water with your characters.
02/27/06
Cute story. Just one minor spelling error, I'm sure you already saw it: top-notch.