The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/08/11
There are some very engaging moments of dialogue here. Yet I must confess to being a little confused; with a beginning in 1st person; a switch to 3rd person - when Kristen is named as the old lady's visitor - and then an angel seems to be the one.
09/09/11
I have to agree with the above comment. This was a sweet story and made we want to read on to see what happened, but I think it would have been improved by sticking to the 1st person and also putting more space between dialogue. However nice job.
09/09/11
Whether it was a Heavenly angel or one of earth’s angels that came to visit Mrs Grayson, praise God Mrs Grayson was ministered to and peace brought back to her heart. Charming story and with a little tweaking of the tenses that might distract some readers from its powerful message, it would be a terrific story to pass along to the many who are angry at God for one reason or another, to help them understand God has reasons beyond our understanding or knowledge. I enjoyed this.
09/10/11
A very moving story. I enjoyed the way it resolved from a distant, hard woman to one who not only needed forgiveness but found it. I understand the comments about 1st to 3rd person but honesty ... it took me reading it 3 times to really notice it. This story touched me. Thank you!
This is a sweet story and I really liked the characters.

You did switch tenses. You also missed some quotation marks here and there. I was a tad disappointed at the end. The older lady had known God and I don't know if you really needed to make the visitor an angel.

I did enjoy the message. It is okay to get angry with God at times. He will forgive us. I also liked that someone cared enough for the elderly to go out and minister to their physical and spurted needs.
09/15/11
A very interesting read.
Great concept. 'Nuff said about tenses. The last three paragraphs need the most work, but I guess the word limit made this a little difficult, and you will be able to recraft successfully given a few more words! God bless you.