The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I like the open ending. I remember being an OB nurse and opening the palms of certain babies to see if they had the trait of Down's syndrome. It was always so difficult for the parents to hear the news, but once they held their baby it didn't seem to matter as much anymore.
Your MC's voice is very clear. The woman who has it all and suddenly, screech, world comes to a halt. I think your story flowed well, was on-topic, and definitely expressed that feeling of a cautious breath at the end. Now, ready for the pink ink? You seem to have a fondness in this piece, for comma clauses (lots of this, and then, this) which is okay in moderation but there seemed to be a lot of them. It slowed my reading. And in tone, I felt a disconnect between the MC and myself- like I wasn't exactly seeing & feeling this through her eyes. But overall, a very touching story and very well done.
I've worked with mentally disabled persons for years. I have a weakness FOR DS kids. Most have the love of 10 people! The MC IS truly blessed to have one of these precious gifts from God!
You've expressed the emotions in the story very well. Congratulations on getting first place at your level!