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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Sport or Fitness (02/15/07)

TITLE: The Road to Hell...
By Helen Paynter


The road to hellÖ

My New Yearís Resolution Ė sport!
I thought of every game,
Aspired to sporting excellence
And glory for my name,
Determined that I would succeed
To general acclaim;
But wondered which would aptly suit
My rather chubby frame.

Without delay I bought a bike,
(I am a real go-getter)
But on Day Three it poured with rain
And I was never wetter;
I straight away decided - maybe
Soccer would be better,
And only then did I receive
The envied yellow sweater.

Since soccer is a noble sport
I did not feel regret,
But willingly ran round the pitch
And worked up quite a sweat;
But goal-less, disillusioned, I
To shot-put did defect -
And then with sweet precision
Put the shot into the net.

The aim of shot-put - so Iíve heard
The cognoscenti say:
Project the blessed implement
A hundred miles away.
I gasped and heaved to no avail
The best part of one day;
But once I took up golf, I found
The ball did go astray.

The point of golf, I understand,
From hole one through eighteen -
To get the ball into the hole
With strokes both few and clean.
But after losing fifty balls
I had to quit the scene;
And switched to snooker where at least
The ball starts on the green.

But snookerís stubborn slippery balls
Have really got me beat.
Iíve tried it all Ė Iím done in now,
Conceding my defeat.
Iím not cut out for fitness,
I never can compete;
Iíll hobble past my rusting bike
And rest my Athleteís feet.

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This article has been read 1140 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Janice Fitzpatrick02/22/07
This is cool. It flows and the humor here is one many of us can relate to. At least the person has made an attempt and that's what sports is really about, just getting out there and attempting, doing your best. Good job.
Sharlyn Guthrie02/22/07
I chuckled at the tone of this poem...cognoscenti indeed! Well-done.
Jan Ackerson 02/22/07
Delightful! I like the structure, too--how the end of each stanza leads into the next--unique and creative. So fun to read, a super title, and a witty, self-deprecating tone. I was totally charmed.
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/23/07
This was a great read! A delightful poem! The last two lines were my favorite.
valerie chambers02/23/07
Oh my goodness this was so hilarious and VERY easy ti identify with. Excellent piece!!!
Sally Hanan02/24/07
What an excellent title :) and where the heck did you even FIND the word cognoscenti?? The last line caps it all. I wonder did you start out with that....
Marilyn Schnepp 02/24/07
Great poetic tribute to the game of Sports! Ha ha. Great read.
Allison Egley 02/24/07
Hehe Oh, this was great. Only one question.... What is "snooker?" I don't think I've heard of that sport before.
Jacquelyn Horne02/24/07
By the time I got here, all there was left to say is, "all of the above". I enjoyed reading this.
Helen Paynter02/25/07
Oh no! I wondered if there'd be any sports you US guys didn't know.
Snooker is like pool, played on a green baize cloth.
In cycling races (notably the Tour de France) the leader from the previous day wears a yellow sweater to mark him out.
Y'all know what shot-put and soccer (which I call football) are, now, don't you?
Joanne Sher 02/25/07
Loved the structure and the message too - but that last line is my absolute favorite! By the way, I had heard of snooker, but didn't remember exactly what it was - thanks for the reminder. Great stuff, Helen!
Marilee Alvey02/25/07
I don't care much for poems;
Or playing in the street;
I mostly like to stay home;
and rest my aching feet.

But you said cognoscenti
Where did you find the time;
To find this for your poem;
And put it into rhyme?

Count yourself so lucky
Count yourself so blessed
I'll not compete with you, dear,
You truly are the best!
Joanney Uthe02/26/07
I really enjoyed this and can relate. Snooker was not totally new, but I did have to think about it. Thank you for trying, but we can't always write to cover for cultural differences. I also liked the lead-in from one stanza to the next. Great job.
Suzanne R02/27/07
What a fun and masterfully written entry!!!

I totally admire people who can do poetry, let alone do it as effortlessly as you appear to have done this. (Yes, I'm sure it wasn't totally effortless, but it sure looks it.)

Kudos too to the commenter who used poetry to give feedback. Wow - what a comment.