Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: FERHOODLE (confuse or mix-up) (03/03/16)
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TITLE: Why? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dot Hannah
03/10/16 -
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March 10, 2016
I stood there in the high ceiling, ornate office on a sunny Friday afternoon, puzzled. I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams what was coming. My employer, dressed in his expensive, dark gray business suit, was discharging me after many years of loyal service. The force of his words was titanic, and my expression surely revealed my shock.
His business was extremely successful because of talents which he had been highly endowed. I had watched it grow larger and larger over time, and I had worked hard to keep up with the pace as his personal secretary. He was very generous with my severance pay but offered no reasonable explanation for my termination. I wanted to scream, “Why?” However, I kept my composure and remained silent. I collected my coat and walked out of the modern brick and glass headquarters feeling numb, face flushed.
Two weeks later I left the office for the last time just as confused and bewildered, harsh reality settling in. By this time I was angry. It had not been a good day even though my fellow workers had given me a farewell party. My former employer had not attended, and vexing questions would haunt me for some time.
The following days I dissolved into a jelly of awful despair and fear. I searched the paper tirelessly for a new job, but nothing was materializing. My insides were deadened as I anxiously went over and over the knawing question constantly lingering in my mind. “Why?” My fears about the future and my self-worth intensified. Loyal friends encouraged me to keep my chin up.
For weeks I gave it everything I had. By the first brisk chill of autumn air, when I had all but given up, the dark cloud passed. I was hired by a small company at a much smaller salary but was ecstatic and very much appreciative to be among the work force again. I quickly settled in and found I enjoyed the slower pace and the friendly environment. One morning I picked up the newspaper and read a front page article which blew my mind. My former employer had been indicted for fraud and embezzling. The color drained from my face as I was filled with disbelief. Then I remembered occasions when I should have been suspicious. I had been so naïve. And so the devastating truth came home to me. He had lied to me and had not exercised the strength of character I thought the man to be. Why would such a man admired by so many get tangled in corruption and botch up his entire life?
The quiet inside Judge Fuller’s courtroom had a calming effect on me as I was called to testify. The spectators’ benches were filled to capacity with friends, co-workers, and family who were there to support me. It had been a long, awaited moment for me, and I was anxious to tell what I knew and get on with my life. I could not help but sympathize with my former employer as he dropped his head, face gray and drawn. I was struggling to hold back tears, as my heart ached for him. The confident man I had known bore no similarity to the defeated man sitting before me. All my feelings of hurt and betrayal toward him were now forgiven. He had been quick to assure the investigators that I had no knowledge of his crimes, and I was not their target.
I will never know if my termination had been orchestrated by my all knowing, protecting God, or if my employer knew what was coming and discharged me to prevent guns being aimed at me in any way. I do know that he needed a personal relationship with God, and I had failed to steer him in the right direction. I vowed to myself that I would never make this mistake again. It was a lesson learned. No matter where I am employed now or in the future, God will be my CEO, and I will be a soldier worthy of front line service. I will challenge suspicious policies regardless of personal consequences, understanding that silence is always more costly. I have sort of a gut feeling that speaking out will result in the chips falling in the right place.
“And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) KJV
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There seemed to be more telling than showing. Your first paragraph. for example.
I stood there in the high ceiling, ornate office on a sunny Friday afternoon, puzzled. I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams what was coming. My employer, dressed in his expensive, dark gray business suit, was discharging me after many years of loyal service. The force of his words was titanic, and my expression surely revealed my shock.
The describing of his high tastes does not add to the MC's confusion. Perhaps try interjecting self talk, or words from the boss, with more showing words, such as:
Frighten, confused, and puzzled, I found myself stunned and perplexed at my boss' words.
You are being dismissed. You have two weeks until your job will be eliminated.
But why?
No answers were forthcoming. Even during the two weeks, I was unable to grasp his rationale. I could not wrap my head around his actions after so many years of blood, sweat, and tears of dedication to my job, and his company. None of this makes sense.
Keep writing. You have good structure. It needs refinement. I have this issue too. They say, if you spot it, you've got it. It's easier for me to learn by reading other's works to help improve. I hope you take my comments as helpful, which is my intent.
I agree with Judy that you need more showing and less telling. Get right to the conflict.
Keep writing!
You held my attention all the way through.
Keep writing.
Your concept was engaging-Write on!