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If I can’t say anything else, God is faithful. It’s been eight years since my father passed this life and I remember it like it was just yesterday. But more importantly I must declare that more than the time lapse is how God’s hand of protection has kept me in perfect peace. I literally thought that I was going to lose my mind when I found out my father had passed. I thought the end of the world had come and I didn’t want anything more to do with anything. Really, I made it appear to people as if things were okay, however, inside I was a wreck. Maybe I’m the only one who went through this but my daddy was everything to me. The older I became, the closer we got. We would talk everyday about aspects of life and we developed a friendship although I never ever forgot that he was my father. Looking back today and seeing how far I have come, the only thing I can say is God is faithful. He told me that He would never leave me or forsake me. Although there have been many days along this journey called LYFE that I have wanted to give up because of the despair that I felt, the Sacred on the inside of me, had to overcome my secular mindset to get me to see that I was not forsaken. As much as I wanted to kick and scream and complain and vent, which I do on occasion, it couldn’t take away from my discovery of God’s infinite wisdom and plan for my life. God is good and He is faithful and He is all knowing. I can really go on and on about His goodness and kindness because I was about to walk away from him seven years ago because I was so angry at Him for deciding to take my father away from me. I blamed God I wanted to say that I hated Him; I was completely upset because He didn’t do what I wanted Him to do when I wanted Him to do it and exactly the way I wanted it to be done.
I discovered that God’s plan is so much different from my plan and my object in life is to take my plans and lay them at the foot of the cross. This is what I discovered from the harsh reality of walking through life without my father. Through the pain of losing a loved one I discovered how much I need the Lord in my life to help me. The passage of scripture that I reflected on during that time was found in the book of Isaiah when King Uzziah died and the prophet Isaiah said, once the king was dead, that he also saw the Lord…
I can’t help but ask if it took my father’s passing for me to see God? Hmmm…it’s something to think about. The harsh reality of life is when things are going good; we rarely feel a dependency on God. It, unfortunately, takes death and sickness and disappointment and heartache and disaster to realize how the flesh that we are wrapped in is insufficient for this world we live in. In order to make it and live the abundant life that God desires we must find ourselves wrapped in Him, the all-wise and true God, the Creator, the Father and Giver of Life. I found, through tragedy and disappointment, that God is…all I need and the God of more than enough!
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