The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/29/13
You drew me in right away and I was on the edge of my chair as I finished reading your entry.

Well written and touching.
04/30/13
What an engaging story with a powerful message. Thank you for sharing it.
It's a really nice job on this piece. I think you need a nice job of building the suspense and creating a good characters.

I was confused in the beginning because I thought the title was in quotations and was part of the initial conversation and I couldn't quite put that in and it wasn't until the end that I realized it was the title and not the initial conversation. Instead of using taglines like she said, try using this place to show the character's emotions like this: "What does that mean?" Grace buried her face in her hands.
Hopefully, not only does it show who is speaking, but it also paints a picture for the reader.

You do a great job of building the suspense. Your story was on topic in a couple of different and important ways. You also included a great message too without coming off as preachy. All in all a good story from beginning to end.
Your last sentence - love it! This is such a well written entry, and heart-grabbing throughout

Praise YHWH! Throw a Brick for CLICK!
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947
Congratulations on placing 1st in your level and 26 overall! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards at http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=36971&sid=fc51905b09e1c3a6153917b33a0614a4 )
Welcome to level three with your sizzle story! :)
05/03/13
Wonderfully written. You made it effortless to place myself in the MC's position.
Well done and congratualtions on your winning entry.
Congratulations!
Gripping and heart touching. Good job of telling this story. Congratulations on placing first in your level.