Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Purposefulness (Purpose in Life) (05/25/06)
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TITLE: the fight | Previous Challenge Entry
By lynn rodgers
06/01/06 -
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“Like you say the nicest things?” he snapped backed. Ouch that one hit the spot! Outside of church, Amy was sarcastic, cynical, a gossip, and cussed often.
“Well, at least I have the decency not to act that way in front of them,” she retaliated weakly before sulking off.
“What’s the dif’” Steven muttered under his breath as he entered the 1st grade boys’ room.
During the group lesson, Amy sat with her kindergarten girls and, for the first time, actually listened. She soaked up the puppet show about letting your actions match your words as much as, maybe more than, the kids. She thought deeply about her life and what a punk she was and how no one here knew it.
Amy realized that God had not led her to lead kids for their benefit but her own. She knew that God knew that Steven would tick her off one time too many today and that she would listen to this lesson as a result of the fight.
While the puppets led the kids in prayer she made a personal one. “God, you have the strangest purposes for the strangest things. I thank you for that. I want to turn my life around and get closer to you. God, I need your help, I don’t know where to start; the bad language, skimpy clothes, sore attitude. God change me from the inside out…”
“Come on Amy, we need to talk about the puppet show,” Jessie, one of her kindergarten students, pulled at her arm. “Amen!” Amy thought as she was shoved, laughing, into her room.
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Just a suggestion on this sentence: "Outside of church, Amy was sarcastic, cynical, a gossip, and cussed often." It's better to keep the reader inside Amy's head (Such as, "Amy was well aware that outside of church she often used sarcasm and gossip," etc.)This way you maintain the Point of View (POV) and the flow will not be broken.
Great job! I really enjoyed this.
You did a good job of developing the character of Amy. Very nice and thought-provoking story.