Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: India (02/12/09)
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TITLE: Count the Cost | Previous Challenge Entry
By Aaron Goulet
02/17/09 -
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‘That her that I love her, of course. Also, tell her that I’ll be waiting on the other side.’
‘Other side?’ He paused, ‘Of Death, you mean?’
‘Yeah.'
Then, for a moment no man spoke. It was a cause and event one could consider altogether absurd. One man beaten, on his knees; the other man is clean and unharmed. Standing in the heat, his suit absorbed the sun.
‘James?’ The man offered. ‘I’m sorry it has come to this. I did everything I could.’
‘It’s alright.’
‘No. I mean it. It’s Just,’ he paused. ‘It’s just too political.’
James gave a faint laugh. “Politics. Ahh, if only it were that simple. Clyde, let me ask you something. Now that your finally here and all.’
‘Anything’
‘Remember Napoleaon’
‘Bonapart?’
‘Yes. Have you read on of his famous quotes: Man purposes, but God Disposes?’
‘No, I haven’t heard that one’
Another pause
‘Well, forgive my ignorance, but was exactly does that mean?’
‘God is in control. I’m on his clock now.’
James coughed in the dirt. The sun was in its third day attacking his head. Sweat poured down his face mixed with the remnants of dried blood.
‘James?’ Clyde asked. ‘I know it’s too late now, but I want to know something.’
‘Go ahead.’
‘Why’d you do it?’
‘Do what? I’ve done a lot of things.'
Why did you come here? To India of all places. You left everything for this? You’ve been rotting in the sun for three days and now you are going to die.
‘I didn’t leave everything. I left nothing, and got everything. God sent me here for His work. Now the work, I guess, is done.’
‘But James. It’s over. Your wife will be devastated.’
‘No she won’t. If only she was here with me this time.’
‘Tell me why? I still don’t kno…
“Alright. Times up’
‘Please. You said I could have 30 minutes.’
‘No more.’
A group of armed villagers Seized Clyde and pushed him away from the center of the village.
‘Tell your embassy that we don’t want any missionaries here.’ Any more will die like this one.’
Clyde turned and walked toward his range Rover. Tears welling up inside, he fought for composure. He glanced to his left and saw a group of villagers sharpening their machetes.
It was done. There was nothing he could do.
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A few typos, but nothing major. Also, you may have wanted to add in a couple of details, such as sounds or smells, to give the reader the sense that the story is really set in India.
I'm interested in the backstory of these characters. Let me know if you write more.