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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Angry (08/02/07)
TOPIC ANGRY

TITLE I JUST CANNOT FORGET

Years have gone by we have left college, got married and have children of our own. An incident that broke my heart causes me to bury myself in anger and selfpity, it keeps coming up again and again even though I want to forget. I often console myself saying,” God is angry with the wicked so why can’t I?

Jake was the tallest guy in the class. He had the most adorable character.
He was indeed the pick among the puppies. Many females on campus tried to get his attention and spend lunch time with him. The Instructors too were impressed because he made good grades and participated in all the activities. I was initially indifferent and didn’t care but when he started attending the Christian Youth Group on campus and sharing from the Bible I was impressed. Very soon I managed to get more of his attention and we went on dates. He surprised me one day by putting a diamond on my hand.

Well I thought, “The deed is done!” Now he is mine and he will not fall into the trap of another girl. We went to church and Bible Study regularly and Jake seemed to grow spiritually each week. We got married a few months later and set up a nice apartment near the campus. Bad fortune hit my father and I had to go to my parents for a week. Jake and I used our cell phones frequently and kept track of what was going on at both ends. I did not doubt or suspect anything bad to happen. What I saw when I returned really broke my heart. I was so angry with Jake for being unfaithful to me. He kept making excuses and apologizing that it was a passing attraction. The girl came by one evening to pick up her laundry. My blood was boiling but as a Christian I did not know what to say or do. Over the years I have forgiven Jake but believe me, “It is not forgotten.” I still get flash backs of the incident and my hormones act up. Anger, self pity and resentment fill my heart. I try to pray and cast these thoughts aside but I just cannot forget.

The Bible admonishes us in Ephesians 4:26,27. “Be angry and yet do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”

God is working on me but I have a long way to go.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Pam Carlson-Hetland
08/10/07
This sounds like a true story. If it is, you are not alone. I see promise in your writing. I also see promise in the process that the Lord has begun. Forgiveness is difficult sometimes. But when it's all over, we realize that forgiveness is not a gift we give the person who so deeply hurt us, its a gift we give ourselves. And it brings much freedom. Writing is a good way to work through all those things with God. If I can be of help, send me a PM. And keep writing!
Christy B
08/11/07
First of all, know that you are absolutely not alone in this type of suffering. Secondly, admit to yourself that if this incident is still with you and causes you the same harm it did when the wound was fresh, you have NOT forgiven him. Forgiveness comes when you look at your husband with the love in your eyes that God has for him. What “Jake” did was not a mistake. It was pure selfishness. Perhaps he learned that selfishness is not the key to happiness. What did YOU learn? Maybe you accepted self-doubt into your heart. The truth is, there was never anything wrong with you. It will never, ever be your fault. It was his choice and he made it when no one was looking because he knew it was wrong from the get-go. Just like a four-year-old stealing cookies. Now it is time for you to acknowledge that your husband is not special; not any better than anyone else; and that you love and accept him anyway. That’s the “forgetting” part of forgiveness.

Your writing is very heartfelt. The emotion is strong and the story, however unfortunate, is captivating. Keep writing! You’re doing great. =)
Sherrie Jackson
08/14/07
The above comments are beautiful words of encouragement, and I hope that, if this is your story, you have found wisdom and peace in them. I'll be praying for you regardless!

You did a great job conveying what you feel with words. I look forward to reading your future entries. :)
Dee Yoder
08/18/07
I absolutely agree with the other comments! Your writing is more than capable of getting your message across. Also, I'm sure your heart will always have a scar that is the evidence of being broken, but you seem to already realize how God can mend and restore your heart and love for your husband. God bless you for writing with such openness and honesty.