Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write something in the YOUNG ADULT or TEEN genre (06/07/07)
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TITLE: The Ruby | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ruth Scott
06/14/07 -
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Before I launch into my story I should tell you a bit about myself. I was a freshman in college at the time, missed my family something terrible, was nervous about a growing relationship with Kevin, my date of three months, and was riffed at my best friend Tiffany because her and my ex-boyfriend, Rocky, were going together.
I’d just finished my last class for the week and was trying to freshen up and get down stairs quick so I’d start off my date tonight on the right note. However, my mood wasn’t so romantic this evening.
“That stupid letter!” I muttered, throwing my comb across the room. “Just what I needed, Tif.”
I grabbed up my purse and look a last look in the mirror. “Rocky’s right, I’m just not buttered up to be what the other girls are.” Then I stuck my tongue out at the mirror as much at the memory of him as at the reflection in the glass.
I fast walked down the stairs, across the commons and out to the parking area. Kevin pulled up just as I got there.
“Hey, cutie.” he called out the passenger window. “Want a ride?”
“I was waiting for my boyfriend, but since he’s late I’ll take you up on the offer.” I replied with a teasing smile as I crawled into the car.
“I wasn’t late!” He whined indignantly, pressing the accelerator and screeching the tires as he pulled out onto the rode.
“I know.” I said, laughing at his driving escapade.
I hadn’t been popular with the “cool” group of girls until I started dating Kevin. Then they wanted to hang out with me all the time in hopes of getting his attention. He teased but didn’t flirt and always treated me extra special.
Arriving at the restaurant with no mishaps, we waited in line till we were seated in a nice, quiet little corner.
“You’re looking real beautiful tonight, Cheri.” Kevin complemented, sitting across from me with his arms folded across the meal menu on the table, looking at me.
My eyes were fixed on the list of enticing foods as I mumbled, “I don’t feel very beautiful tonight.”
It was quiet so I looked up.
His gaze was still on me but his twinkling, laughing brown eyes, were now serious.
“Shoot! Now why’d I go and say that?” I scolded myself. I looked back down at the menu and said aloud, “Never mind.”
“Did you have a hard day, Cheri?” he asked kindly.
“Guess you could say that.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I shrugged.
“Now don’t go and clam up on me, sweetheart.”
I looked up and smiled. “It’d be boring to you.”
“Try me.”
So I told him about Tiffany and her letter, then about Rocky and how he was always telling me I was too thin and my face was too chubby.
When I said that, Kevin stretched back with his hands folded behind his head and chuckled softly.
“Not to be prejudice or nothing’, but that Rocky guy sounds like a jerk!”
I gave a quiet, assenting laugh.
“Ever seen a picture of my mom?”
I shook my head.
“She’s the most stunning lady I’ve ever known.” Kevin said, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket.
I leaned over to look at the picture as he laid it in front of me on the table.
Shocked, I looked back up at him. Was he serious?
“W-what…?”
“She was in a plane crash and the plane caught on fire. Dad saved her, but had to have his right hand amputated. She’s had plastic surgery and the whole nine yards, but she’s scarred for life.”
He looked at the picture tenderly.
“My Dad gives her a ruby every birthday as a token of his love for her and as a message of how beautiful she is to him.”
I glanced away to hide the tears.
“Her beauty’s of the lasting kind, ‘cause it’s rooted in here.” Kevin said, putting his hand over his heart.
_____
Well, what’d ya know! That Monday was my birthday and I found a little box on my Bible with a note which read, “Happy Birthday to my little beauty. I love you. Love, Kevin.”
I opened the box and laying inside was the loveliest….
ruby necklace!
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I felt a bit rushed at the end, and unsure of how a college guy could afford a ruby necklace.
His story about his mother is excellent, and teen girls will love it.
Your paragraph near the beginning, where you speak in the present about yourself seemed a bit unnecessary, and kind of had me expecting you to jump to the present at some point later. I hope that comment made sense LOL PM me for clarification if you want.
Anyhow, this was very sweet, and I love the focus on inner beauty, which is SO important for teens to hear!