The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/07/13
Beautiful story. A little tight editing and this one has potential for winning. Thanks for posting.
05/07/13
Great message! I was often jealous of other "exciting" testimonies. I wish someone had taught me the lesson of gentle drizzle when I was younger. Thank you for writing this. I hope it blesses others who have had the same thoughts.
I so totally enjoyed this story. You did a delightful job with the pacing and I could feel the roller coaster of emotion that the MC was on.

The only suggestion I might offer would be to do more showing and less telling. It's not an easy concept to get and will be something that many writers spend their entire careers trying to perfect. For example this line is all telling: Kayla could tell she was scared of giving it.
Instead show the reader how Kayla could tell she is scared with something like this: Kayla watched as her friend fidgeted in her seat, twisting the program around and around as her shoulders trembled slightly.

Overall, though I think you did a nice job. I especially enjoyed the rain metaphor. You did a nice job of weaving the topic throughout the story. It was an interesting read from beginning to end.
Very nicely done. This story kept my attention from beginning to end. Really nice flow from paragraph to paragraph. Loved the gentle rain watering the flowers part. I agree this one has definite placing potential. Keep on writing.
Congratulations on placing 9 in your level! (The highest rankings are posted on the message boards)