The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/25/10
Oooh, excellent allegory!

For clarification, it'd be better to space between each speakers' paragraph:

“It’s about time” said the expectant girl, “we need to talk.”

Her father replied, “Okay talk to me.”

“Well I’ve missed you, and I can never find you. Where have you been I’ve been waiting so long?”


I enjoyed this and would have like to read more--I encourage you to use your full 750 words. Your writing has lots of potential.
02/26/10
I agree. A little help with spacing to help the reader follow, but see you have something to say. Keep writing, your 'voice' will get stronger. I'm enjoying a few classes on the forums, Jans and Anns. You might check them out, lots of fun too. :)
You told a beautiful tale. Just a small constructive criticism, next time make a new space for each speaker and double space between paragraphs to make it easy to read. I made the same mistake when I first entered.
I really liked how you brought the Bible verse in the end. This is the start of a great devotion.
03/03/10
I agree with the above comments. You have a lot of good points shining through this piece. Keep up the good work!