Humor
The Lord was walking in the cool of the evening. He was in His
Garden of Eden, and all was good. His birds were quietly settling
down, their sweet low chirps beautiful music to His ears. Down the
grassy path, lumbered one of His grizzly bears, gangly with magnificent
strength. The Lord paused for a moment, to gently scratch behind
its thick, furry neck. The she bear growled softly deep in its
throat, and continued licking one of her new cubs.
"Adam?" The Lord came upon His newest, and most aggravating
creation. So far, it wasn't living up to its amazing potential.
"Why are you just sitting here, moping? I thought I told you to
name the rest of these beasts, birds, and creeping things?
Come on, Adam, you've got some work to do!"
"Oh, Lord. There are just so many creatures! I can't keep up
with them! What about this one, over here? I have no idea what
to call it! It's so......big! What's it for, anyway?" Adam was
standing in the thick, green grass, frowning and scratching his
shaggy head. He already needed a haircut, and it was only his
3rd day. He also had about three 5 o'clock shadows.
"Adam, that's My business. Now, come. Get a move on. You're
already about 60 creatures behind. Just name it, and be done
with it, already." The Lord still hadn't finished making Pluto. The
little planet was a mess. There was a tiny other planet behind it;
should He just leave it there? The Lord laughed to Himself;
maybe He would leave it. Thousands of years from now, when
Adam's descendents were busy playing around with their astronomical
toys, they'd have some fun trying to discover it.
"Oh, Lord! I'm worn out! Can I at least have a snack, first?
All of this work is making me hungry!"
The Lord surveyed His handiwork. "Adam, you're not yet 3 days
old, and already you're getting a potbelly. How am I going to find
a decent helpmate for you, if you keep eating like this?"
"Okay.....well, how about 'Zippo', for that fat one?" Adam pointed to
it. It was wading, swimming, or standing in a big puddle of muddy
water, and seemed very content chewing on a bunch of greens.
A baby one, just about as plump as its mother, was also busy eating.
"Zippo?" What kind of name is that, Adam?" The Lord sighed
heavily, shaking His head. He better put a seal of approval on
all of this naming. Adam's last animal moniker had been 'laughing
hyena'. Man's brain was certainly large enough, but he seemed to
have trouble using it.
"Well, I thought it would give her an air of.......you know."
Adam waved his hands toward the beast, making a semicircle.
"How about Hippo? We can get her official name down, later.
Come on, and sit down over here. We need to talk." The Lord
gestured to a big, shady tree. It wasn't one of those fruit
bearing ones, so they were safe - for now.
"What is it, Lord? Oh, is it about my naming that little, sneaky
creature, 'skat'?" I really don't like that one, Lord. All it does
is make me sneeze! Is he going to be around, very much?
It just stares at me, with those big eyes, like it thinks I'm really
stupid, or something."
The Lord leaned against His tree, and reached out a Hand.
A huge eagle, flying across His sky, came over and landed on His
arm. "Adam, you can't name that one 'skat'. It has no air of
sophistication. I want all of my creatures to have some diginity,
particularly that one. No. This is about our search for your
helpmate."
"Well, Lord, I really like 'dog'. It's just fine, for me!" Adam
stopped talking. Sticking two fingers into his stubby-haired mouth,
he suddenly whistled shrilly. Two of the mangy brutes bounced over,
their long tongues protruding, and slobbering all over the dewy grass.
"Yes. That's true, Adam. They're great and all." The Lord
patted one of the pooch's leathery, wet noses. "But, you're going
to need a more.....specific helpmate. I've already got one in mind,
just for you."
"Oh, that's okay, Lord! You don't need to go to any trouble!
These guys are just perfect for me, aren't you boys?" Adam
sat on his haunches, playing with one of the big dog's floppy
ears. He threw a branchy twig to its brother. "Here, boy!
Fetch!" He turned to the Lord. "See what I mean? We just
love each other!" Adam picked up another stick, and ran off
with it. The dogs immediately followed, merrily barking all
the way.
"This is going to take some finesse." The Lord said to Himself.
He looked up at the sky, and squinted. Was one moon enough?
Yes. It would take a while, a long while.......for His children to
get there. He just hoped that they wouldn't lose their video
tapes of the whole event, once they had landed.
******************************************************
Adam awoke. He was very groggy, as though he had been in
a deep sleep. He half opened his eyes, and sat up. "Ouch!"
He suddenly slumped over, grabbing onto his side.
"Hey! Take it easy, Adam! I just closed that up!" The voice
of the Lord came booming from overhead.
Another sound drifted in the air. It was a second voice.
It was lighter, and much higher. It also hinted of laughter.
And, Adam had never heard the Lord laugh. Well, not yet
anyhow.
Adam peered up from his resting place, on the scented grass.
What was that, over there? Oh, no. He really wasn't in the mood
for more animal naming, right now. He was too sleepy. Plus,
he was cranky. Why were his ribs so sore?
"Well, say something, Adam. This is your new helpmate."
The Lord sounded very pleased with Himself. There was
something else in His voice, but Adam was too confused,
at the moment, to ponder on it much.
Slowly, Adam sat up again. He looked up and down, at this
newest creature. Well, this was certainly no Zippo, or
whatever that blubbery thing was.
Her eyes were sparkling, and heavily lashed. Her skin had
a mesmerizing glisten to it, as though it might be very soft to
touch. Her hair was wildly long. It had a waviness to it that
caused it to ripple with Eden's floral scented breezes. And,
there was a certain fleshiness to her that caused Adam a
sharp intake of breath.
Tiny beads of sweat broke out on Adam's forehead. His
cheeks felt very warm, and for a moment, he felt as
though he would lose consciousness, again. Trying to stand
up, he slipped, and banged his head against the bark of one
of the Lord's big trees. He said a new word; this one sounded
harsh, even to his own ears. Intuition, another new phenomena
in Adam's world, told him that his Lord's newest creation was
going to cause him a lot of trouble.
TO BE CONTINUED............
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