The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/24/20
Cute story! I'd love to see Paris someday.
This is a powerful story. Although the Eiffel Tower was the first thing that popped into my head when I heard the topic, I learned quite a bit about the tower and its history from your piece, which was educational and fun. You created a romantic, enticing story for the love birds. My only red ink is really a pale pink...this line: "the question that snuggled in my soul like a pebble in a shoe"
seems almost like a contradiction. I think of snuggling as a gentle hug, "moving into a warm comfortable position." A pebble in a shoe seems the exact opposite. It's a tiny thing, but it did make me pause and reread, thinking I missed something, and maybe I did. I did delight in your ending though. Even though it was sad, it was realistic, and she chose the better man--Jesus. I like how the moral is clearly there without it needing to be written out. That takes true talent. Your message is clear and you nailed the topic as well as hitting the ending out of the park. Well done!
01/28/20
Very poignant story! Loved, loved, loved!