The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/15/19
Wow...powerful message, and so well written.
Thank you.
God bless~
You drew me into the start of your journey. Then seeing Lydia and recognizing the mans despair at perceived unanswered pray, my heart broke. So often we get discouraged that God doesn’t give us our desired outcome. It was at this point I was surprised and thrilled to realize when and who the story was about and my peace returned.

Excellent creation of a Jesus story. A few sentences seemed awkwardly written, especially if read aloud. Other than that, an outstanding piece.
02/17/19
WOW! I could read this over and over. Well written my friend. This is captivating and memorable.
You drew me in right from the beginning. Your descriptions are great. I think the only red ink would be minor. At first, it feels like a modern story. That's a great way to pull new readers in. Take a story from the Bible and modernize it a bit. There's nothing wrong with that at all, but then when it was clear it was in Jesus time, it feels like you slipped to telling it in that setting. I'd encourage you to keep with the setting in the beginning. It will make it easier for younger people to understand. Words like bade and ushered don't necessarily fit that first setting. I think you've done a fabulous job of retelling the story though. The line about not being innocent as children, seeing more than they have really blew me away. It made me think of that story from a different perspective. You really did an outstanding job.
I wondered about how the MC could speak so rudely to the old man. But then later, it became clear. I loved your take on the story.
02/21/19
Be encouraged that while reading your story today, God used it to confirm what I thought He might be saying to me in my Bible reading today and in today’s FaithWriters devotional. God used you to nudge me to bless a couple of people in some specific ways. Isn’t that why we write? May your story be used again and again.
02/21/19
Congratulations on taking us with you on your journey, Dave. Such descriptive scenes transformed me back in time. The voice in the first couple of paragraphs seemed different than the actual telling of the story.
02/21/19
Congrats!
God bless~
02/21/19
Inspiring take on that gospel story. Congratulations on your win!
02/21/19
Oh my...these is something touchingly elegant in your wording of this beautiful piece. Simple but true. Congratulations. Loved it!