Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: TV (10/04/18)
- TITLE: The Workout
By Jack Taylor
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Setting up the new big screen was only the start of it all. I had to move my stationary bike into the hallway just to create enough space for the stand and the mammoth 80-inch 4K Super HD model. Just watching those delivery guys negotiate the stairs and the doorway had my stomach doing cartwheels. Those rippling muscles were enough of a temptation that I had to whisper “get thee behind me Satan.”
Staying focused was important. If I didn’t get this together in time I’d miss seeing a hundred other guys just like them suiting up to kick around the pigskin. I had already decided to start the turkey early so it wouldn’t interfere with the few minutes I had to get the new acquisition in place.
Unwrapping that monstrosity nearly reduced me to a jelly-like quivering mass as I tried to tear apart enough cardboard to fill up the city recycling depot a dozen times over. I ripped a fingernail and had to sort through three boxes before I found the band-aids. In order to store the cardboard until pick up day I had to move the bike into my storage locker. In order to fit my bike in the storage locker I had to take four boxes of old clothes etc. to the Goodwill thrift store.
The paperwork, which came with my new dream box and which I mistook for cushioning, turned out to be the instruction manual in twenty-three different languages. I’m sure whoever put it together never heard of Google translator. The English appeared to be a secret coded babble inserted by something from a Dan Brown novel.
The smoke alarm in the kitchen alerted me to the security of the bird in the oven. I probably should have put it in a roasting pan instead of wrapping it in tin foil. Somehow the juice bubbled up and got onto the elements. I turned off the oven to let it cool down and trimmed off a little charcoal where the turkey’s tail used to be. I skimmed off a little juice, made gravy, and set that on to boil.
I went back to my main task. Fortunately, there were black and white diagrams about the two dozen colored wires which had to be fit between the back of the monitor and the squares which represented cable, DVD, computer and other auxiliaries. I was sure I had bought the wireless version.
I took a quick trip to the hardware store to pick up another power bar for all the cords to plug into. Apparently, my new apartment didn’t have a lot of outlets.
Five hours into the process I was seriously bargaining with God. I promised to only watch the faith channels and perhaps even change my vote at the next election. I wondered whether I needed to return the new version of the Bible I had picked up last week and to settle for the old version I had embedded as an app on my phone. I knew I needed more time in my War Room and wondered if I could PVR all the shows I wanted to see and still get enough prayer time in to change my life and my attitude. Maybe with less sleep.
That’s when the smoke alarm went off again. The gravy had bubbled almost dry and had splattered all over the stove. I cleaned it all up, decided to forego the gravy and turned the oven back on so I could finish the turkey.
By now I had missed most of the two games I had hoped to watch. Still one to go. I should have set up my laptop on live streaming to at least catch the highlights.
I called my friend Sammy to help me get the beast set up. I had four remotes and no clue on which one operated which device. Sammy wasn’t answering his phone, neither was Ben, Jim or Ali. Rosey was too busy setting up her own turkey dinner and didn’t dare bother her husband during a tense play in the game.
When I next checked the turkey it felt dry and more than crispy. I laid it on the counter and went back to decoding the instruction manual about the remotes. Two hours later, games all done, I called the store and asked them to pick up the latest, greatest idol.
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