The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Lots of energy and fun here, with descriptive vernacular.
You put me in the scene with these four with the tone and word choices, even spelling. :) I could smell the smoke from what the Dad was making at the stove -- (the meat and onions cooking). Then, I almost felt the brush of the mouse run up my leg. :) I adored your repeating line, "Betty and billy and Bobby and me." What fun it would be to see this with illustrations.
Very well done. I enjoyed this entire lively piece.
God bless~
Great flow and great fun with this amusing piece! :) I loved the descriptions of "Dad's" dance!
This is a fun take on the topic. You did a nice job painting a picture to me. I imagine many can relate to that "fear a critter crawled up my pants" feeling.

The dialect was a tiny bit hard for me to get into and for me I lost some of the flow, but I am tone deaf and have a difficult time picking up on rhythm so it could have just been me. The lack of white space overwhelmed me a bit too. But there again, my vision is blurry so it might not bother someone else.

For some reason the title and last line really struck a chord with me. I could picture the group quite vividly and left with a warm feeling in my heart. You did a great job with the alliteration. It's a fine line between overdoing it and not doing enough but you straddled that line with perfection. Nice job.
I'm pleased that this quartet of characters tickled the judges funny-bone. :) I'm thrilled for your Editor's Choice Award, Verna! It is WELL-deserved!
When I first read this, it had "Verna" written all over it : )
I should have stopped and said something, but was rushed for time. But, right now, it's only fitting to say "Congratulations!" - this had a rhyme and meter that keeps "dancing" in my head!
CONGRATULATIONS on your E.C. win with this amusing and well-written piece!
Fabulously written and great fun to read. The vivid picture of dad's dance brought a chuckle!