The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/15/06
I did like the way you start with the blood on a palm and end with the blood on two palms, leaving the reader to make the connection. yeggy
09/18/06
I was totally engaged in the story - the emotions and the subtleties of it. The imagery was vivid and excellent. Well thought out and well written.
09/18/06
Only because this is Masters do I make mention of the "r" missing in "I see it in youR eyes". Aside from that, this is just beautiful! A masterful work of art! Loved it! From beginning to end, almost flawless! ...and it touched me. Kudos!
09/18/06
Such a beautiful, beautiful story. What a wonderful transition you created. This was compelling from beginnng to end!
Oooooh, lovely. I liked the framing too (beginning and end), especially the repetitive "she watched" ....but then you added the real clincher: "she ran!" Good character development between mother and daughter. Very sweet.

09/20/06
I think I saw the ending coming, although I loved the man holding the bush with drops of red forming on each palm. A bitter-sweet story.
09/22/06
Very tender and touching. A DAVEY for this.