Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: The Short End of the Stick (02/20/14)
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TITLE: Let It Rain | Previous Challenge Entry
By Steve McClure
02/26/14 -
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“Again, huh Jimmy?” Jack responded.
Jimmy was shaking his curly head.
“Here, take some of mine,” Dave offered.
“No thanks. Just irritates me. Why does this happen?”
“You’ve just got a knack, Jimmy,” Jack retorted, chuckling. “Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re short.” Jack and Dave both were tall and lanky.
“Yuk it up. I can still handle a ball better than you.”
“Yeah? Who makes all the baskets?”
“You make ‘em only because I feed you the ball.”
That was true. Jimmy could handle a basketball better than almost anyone in the high school league. In fact, scouts from State had been looking at him as a possible player there next year. But beyond that, Jimmy had a cloud over his head – if it rained anywhere, it would rain on Jimmy. Like Jack said, Jimmy just had a knack for coming up short…except in basketball.
“You guards are supposed to feed us the ball,” Dave told Jimmy matter-of-factly.
“And you forwards are supposed to make baskets. Besides, I make my share.”
The three boys had played ball together all through high school.
“Say, Jimmy, you got a date for tomorrow night?” asked Jack.
“Not yet. I’m working on it.”
“We’re planning on heading down to The Grill for a bite. Then, a movie or something.”
“Like I said, I’m working on it.”
“Okay, okay. …Well, I gotta head home.”
“Me, too,” Dave added. “You want us to drop you off, Jimmy?”
“Naw. Think I’ll walk. It’s not far.”
“You coming down to the club tonight?”
“Most likely. See ya’.”
Jimmy started off down the Spring-warmed, busy street that connected with his own tree-shaded avenue. As he walked, he admired a couple of nice sports cars alongside the curb. One day he’d like to have one.
“Hey, Jimmy,” greeted a teen, climbing street-side from one of the cars.
“Hey, Mark. Nice car. …Who’s that with you?”
Mark opened the curb-side door and out stepped a slender girl with long, flowing blonde hair. “Meet Kate. Kate – Jimmy, basketball player extraordinaire.”
Kate smiled.
Jimmy had seen Kate around school. She was a junior. “You guys a pair?”
Mark and Kate looked at one another. “Not really. We’re just headed to the same place.”
“Where’s that?”
“Right behind you.”
Jimmy turned around. Youth Fellowship read the makeshift sign on the door.
“Oh. …What’s it about?”
“It’s about forging new friendships and strengthening old ones. …And fun. Come in and look around.”
Jimmy shuffled in behind Mark and Kate. “Nobody’s here.”
“Later tonight,” Mark explained. “We’re just here to set up some things.”
Jimmy gazed around the large hall packed with round, high-top tables…and a stage. “You fill this place up?”
“Pretty much.”
“Why don’t you come down tonight and check it out?” asked Kate, smiling invitingly, soft blue eyes probing for an answer. “No cost.”
“S’pose I could.”
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By the time Jimmy arrived, the place was jumping. A small band was on the stage and most of the tables were busy. Kate saw Jimmy come in and walked over.
“Hi, Jimmy,” she said, sipping a soda through a straw. “Glad you could make it.”
“Quite a crowd you got here.”
“C’mon, I’ll show you around.” Kate introduced Jimmy to several people around the hall – teens of all ages, young adults, even a few older folks. He met Alex, who introduced himself as Youth Pastor. Later in the evening, Alex took the stage and spoke about equality in the Kingdom of Heaven. Jimmy’s family had not been church-goers, and this was the first time he heard anyone speak like that.
“Well, this was nice,” Jimmy said at the end of the evening.
“Glad you liked it,” Kate responded, smiling. “We’re here every week.”
“Say, Kate….” Jimmy hesitated. “Are you busy tomorrow night?”
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“Hey, Jimmy,” called Jack. “You get a date for tonight?”
Jimmy was feeding money into the soda machine. “Yeah, I did.”
“Really?” Jacked seemed surprised. “Who with?”
“You’ll see.” Jimmy grabbed his soda and reached for…. “Not again!”
“Half-full cup?” asked Jack.
“No. No change!”
Jack chuckled. “Only you, Jimmy. Say, where were you last night?”
“Went to a new place – Youth Fellowship.”
“Yeah? What’s it like?”
“It’s nice. You and Dave should come next week. Might learn a few things.”
“And what did you learn?”
Jimmy looked straight at Jack. “I learned that in God’s Kingdom nobody gets shorted.”
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Thanks for sharing.
God bless~
You may want to consider using less taglines like he said or she asked. Instead use that spot to develop the characters. Ex: "Hi, Jimmy.” Kate tilted her head as she sipped on her soda.
It shows who is speaking and shows that she might be interested in Jimmy.
Your ending was great. It brought the story full circle. You left me with a warm feeling and a slight chuckle. You did a fine job on this piece and I look forward to reading more of your work. Children's stories and YA are my favorite genre and you seem to have a knack for writing it. :)
The main character reminds me of my son. He once won a brand new fully loaded electronic Firebird car, but was only 17yrs. 11-1/2 mos. old, when you had to be 18. Talk about the short end of the stick.
You may have a winner here.
Dusty
God bless~
Keep up the great work.