Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Elephant in the Room (12/05/13)
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TITLE: Like Nothing Happened | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dee Kyalo
12/11/13 -
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However one Tuesday night as I drove from work I decided to pass by the church to pick up the new curriculum to prepare for my Sunday school lesson. It was late, almost 10 o’clock. There were no vehicles in the parking lot therefore I assumed there was nobody inside the building. I had the code to the key less entry – a few of us did, so it was no trouble getting in.
I went into the Sunday school room, picked up my packet of notes and proceeded to leave. Then I heard what I thought was a frightening sound. For a moment I stood in the hallway frozen. I was sure I had locked the main door behind me when I came in. I heard it again. Someone was in the building. My adrenalin kicked in. My heart started beating really fast and I could feel my heart beat in my ears. I was in flight or fight mode but decided to check it out anyway.
When I got closer to the sound room I could tell that’s where the noise had come from for I could now hear it more clearly. In one swift move I opened the door and nothing could have prepared me for the sight I met. You see, my dear friend Janelle was in the most compromising state that I would never have guessed in a million years! The man she was with was Ethan, Tony’s friend. I don’t know who was in more shock; myself or them. I took a step back, closed the door and ran out to my car. I trembled all the way home.
I wanted to pray but I was not sure who to pray for and what exactly to pray for or against. I was confused. I wanted to tell my husband about it but I wasn’t sure if I had the right words. So I did neither and days passed. I was acting like nothing happened.
The following Saturday, as was our custom, my husband and I met Janelle and Tony also Ethan and his wife Lori for dinner. This was our norm. We regularly had outings as couples and I thought it was childish of me to back out of this one so I didn’t. What is mind-boggling is that, at the restaurant, Janelle and Ethan didn’t seem embarrassed or nervous. We talked about anything and everything except the elephant in the room. Everyone’s marriage seemed happy. Everyone seemed so in love with their spouse. Everyone seemed to serve God so diligently.
It is now five years since the act and I sometimes wonder, even though I wasn’t caught with my pants down as Janelle and Ethan, am I not just as guilty as they are? What kind of a friend am I? What kind of a Christian am I? I once heard someone say that the sin you cannot confront is the sin you cannot confess. If the Apostle Paul had a meeting with me today, what would He tell me? Have some of us taken the grace of God out of context and for granted? I wonder.
1 Corinthians 5:1-13 NIV
Titus 2:12 NIV
(Fiction)
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The only red ink I have is tiny. In order to avoid repeating words in the same paragraph, you might want to try something like: My heart started pounding, and I could feel the beat in my ears.
It helps tighten the sentence a bit too.
Overall, you did an outstanding job with this. You nailed the topic in such a way the discomfort almost jumped off the page. The best thing is it makes the reader stop and think and really examine her own heart. Great job.
Please "throw a brick" for others to enjoy, comment and support your writing:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=37705
Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
My "red ink" suggestion is also tiny. In the final paragraph, you are talking about your own guilt and asking "I" questions of yourself. Therefore, when you switch to the encompassing "us" in the next to the last sentence "Have some of us taken . . .", consider making those last two sentences a separate paragraph.
You did cause me to ask myself, "Do I take God's grace for granted?"
Keep up the good work.