Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Persuasion (not about the book) (09/01/11)
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TITLE: Purse Sueded | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tim Pickl
09/03/11 -
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“All right everyone, we’ve gone to the network promo,” Jim the director announced.
“Whew! I need a break—I don’t know why, but I was nervous. Probably because it was the last show for Purse Sueded—the pressure was on. I know I was talking too fast again.” Annie sat down on the couch located behind the cameras, specifically set up for break times for the on air personnel. She sipped on a large Starbucks coffee, which was now beginning to get cold.
“Want me to microwave that for you?” Jim gently asked, smiling.
“Oh, sure…that’d be nice. I’m tired.”
Jim walked over and placed the cup into the microwave. “Have you thought about— ”
“Have I thought about what we were talking about during lunch yesterday?”
“Yes, have you?”
“Jim, I can’t stop thinking about it. In fact, I had a hard time sleeping last night, which may explain why I’ve been drinking so much coffee today.”
Jim handed the cup back, now steaming.
“Thank you.” Annie sipped it again. “Ohh, so much better. You guys have the air conditioning set way too low in here.”
“We want you to stay awake.”
“Very funny. But seriously, though… when you told me your story about how you grew up, and how mean and awful your step dad was toward you; and then how when you got bigger, you punched him in the face and ran away. I just couldn’t get over the fact that you were just a teenager, homeless... out there in the streets. How did you live through all of that?”
“I slept in places that most people couldn’t begin to believe. Being homeless isn’t what I was used to, but I did what one must do with or without family support, because at that stage in my life there wasn’t much they could do to help me.”
“Who helped you?”
“Help for the homeless can come from many walks of life: construction, hospitals and offices; but my help finally came from a kid I knew from school. He convinced his parents to take me in.”
“And those people took you to church?”
“Yeah, well at first I did not want to go. But the more I heard from my friend how awesome it was, the more persuaded I became.”
“There’s that word.”
“What word?”
“Persuaded. It was going through my head all night. I think that’s what’s happened to me; I’m persuaded that you are absolutely right. I want to go to church with you and your kids on Sunday. I need to be there.”
“You are most delightfully and wonderfully welcome.” Paul laughed. “You are always welcome. I’ll pick you up: I’ll text you with the details. Annie, this is so awesome—God has answered my prayers.”
“I’ve been praying a lot lately, too… It’s ironic, isn’t it? After hawking Purse Sueded for the last 2 hours?”
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When you switched topics so aprubtly after the infomercial I was taken abit off guard. I understand that was due to the word count limit. Perhaps you could have cut the "hawking" a bit more so that you could've transitioned more.
Overall, it was a clever story, a great testimony and well-written. You did a nice job with making the characters feel real.