Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Board - Bored (01/12/23)
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TITLE: Tommy's Accident | Previous Challenge Entry
By Marilyn Meiners
01/12/23 -
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“No! I hate that board game. It lasts FOREVER. It makes me yawn. I get soooo bored,” moaned Marcy.
“I’ll let you use my doggy piece to play.”
“No!”
“I’ll even let you win. Come on Marcy.”
“No! I’m going to my room. Leave me alone.”
With that, twelve year old Marcy walked out of the den into her bedroom, slammed the door, and sat on her bed. “Stupid board game,” she muttered to herself. “I have better things to do with my time.”
She heard Tommy slam the backdoor. “Guess he is going for a bike ride,” Marcy whispered. “Good, get him out of the house.”
She grabbed her favorite book and began to read. She had been reading ten minutes when she heard sirens coming down her street. She ran to the window and looked out.
An Ambulance.
“Hmmm. Wonder where they are going,” pondered Marcy.
Feeling hungry she went to the kitchen to get a cookie. She looked at the clock and knew her mom would be home from the store in fifteen minutes.
“I hope Tommy gets back before then or mom is going to be mad.”
Fifteen minutes came and went.
Twenty minutes.
Finally a half-hour later the phone rang. Marcy grabbed the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Marcy, it’s mom. I’m at the hospital. Tommy was in an accident. He was hit by a car while riding his bike. Tommy is in surgery. I don’t know when I’ll be home. Please go next door and stay with Mrs. Hampton.”
“WHAT! Wait. Mom?”
“Gotta go honey. Talk to you when I know more. Love you.”
Marcy sat at the table stunned. What happened? How badly is he hurt? Marcy began to cry “This is all my fault. If I had played that stupid board game with him, he would still be here at home. He would be sitting at the table with me. He would be moving his puppy all around the board - probably winning. What have I done?”
Crocodile tears fell down Marcy’s cheeks. Between sobs she managed to utter a prayer. “D-d-dear God. I-I’m sorry I treated Tommy so badly. I-I-I didn’t mean for him to get hurt.” Marcy hiccuped the last of her prayer. “P-p-lease God, let him be okay. I promise if y-y-ou bring him home I’ll play Monopoly with him whenever he w-w-ants me to - and I won’t even be bored. Please God.”
Marcy noticed it was getting dark outside so she grabbed the puppy from the Monopoly game then went next door to stay with Mrs. Hampton.
Mrs. Hampton embraced Marcy with her warm, grandmotherly hug. “I’m sorry Tommy is hurt, but God will take care of him,” comforted Mrs. Hampton.
“This is my fault you know,” stated Marcy
“Why is that?”
“If I had played Monopoly with him, he would still be home, not off riding his bike. I told him I get bored playing that game. Why did I do that?” Marcy clutched the playing piece in her hand.
“Honey, you had no idea he would leave and ride his bike. This is not your fault. It was simply an accident. What do you have in your hand.”
“It’s Tommy’s favorite playing piece. A puppy. I wish I could play with him now,” Marcy said sadly.
Just then the phone rang. “Hello,” said Mrs. Hampton.
“Uh-huh. Really? That’s good. Okay, thank you.”
“Was that my mom?”
“Yes, dear. She said Tommy is out of surgery. He had a badly broken leg they had to repair. He will be in the hospital overnight, but will be home tomorrow.”
“Know what Mrs. Hampton. When Tommy gets home I’m going to play a gazillion games of Monopoly with him and I won’t be bored once. I’ll just be so glad Tommy is home.”
Mrs. Hampton smiled. “I think Tommy will like that. How would you like to get into practice?”
“What do you mean?”
“How about we play a few rounds of that Monopoly board game and let’s just see how bored you get. I might even let you win a game or two. Deal?”
“Deal, Mrs. Hampton. First let’s thank Jesus for taking care of Tommy and letting him be okay.”
“Good idea.”
Mrs. Hampton prayed, “Thank you Jesus for answering Marcy’s prayer. You are a Good God who hears the prayers of little children.”
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Just one thing - I think crocodile tears means they are not sincere.
Thanks for sharing. Blessings.
"Maaa-rrr-cccccccc-eeeeeeeee." Eight-year-old Tommy dropped to his knees, folded his hands like he was praying, and blinked his eyelashes at his older sister. "C'mon. Please. Please. Purdy pleeaasse."
Tommy picked up the Monopoly board and shoved it in his sister's arms. "Just one game, huh? Pleeeeee-aaaaase?"
That's just a quick example to show you what I mean. You have a great start, but since it's the opening line, going above and beyond will pull your younger readers in and make your older readers hope Marcy will play just to shut him up.
You've captured so much of a child's mind. It doesn't matter what the situation is, kids are great at blaming themselves. This is such an important lesson and one every kid needs (and there are some smaller lessons popped in so subtly they don't feel preachy at all, and that's hard to do). The other thing I might suggest is to have the child resolve the conflict with just a little guidance from adult. For example perhaps the neighbor could say she knows how she feels. If she hadn't asked her husband to go get milk he never would have been in an accident three years ago (or something similar) and have Marcy convince her it wasn't her fault, just an accident, and then Marcy makes the connection on her own. As adults, we are tempted to solve the problems for young readers, but it's more inspiring if the youngsters resolve the conflict. I love children's stories and this is a common mistake adults make often. You have many of the milestones down, however. I think you did a great job of bringing both words into the story while delivering a powerful message.