Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: RECORD (04/22/21)
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TITLE: Transferring the Blessing | Previous Challenge Entry
By Janice S Ramkissoon
04/29/21 -
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My most recent role found me in conflict with my thoughts on a daily basis. I was managing divorce files, and files created as a by-product of the breakdown of families. My heart was heavy and it brought tears to my eyes on numerous occasions. I realized that I was at the wrong end of the chain of events that negatively impacts the lives of children and adults alike. Some of those marriages were ending because of infidelity, some because of physical abuse and various other reasons. I was daily reliving the pain of my past, having many questions about the many forms of abuse I had witnessed but having no answers.
I thought that because I wasn’t thinking about those past events anymore, it was evidence that I was healed and had moved on. But I am now learning that healing is a process. I was once told by a pastor that when those memories come back, I should forgive the individuals and pray for them. He said to me, “You must forgive, or your heavenly Father won’t forgive you.”
That response (though Biblical) combined with the ineffective leadership I’ve experienced especially the abusive ones I’ve witnessed, skewed my view of God. I saw Him not as a loving and compassionate Father but a distant, non-caring Father, waiting to punish me when I don’t live up to His standard.
Whilst I can choose to forgive in a moment, each time I recall those memories that needed me to be forgiving, I had to keep taking it to God, reminding myself that it is a process and that healing is taking place.
Recalling the years through journaling or conversations with my husband, helped to put pieces of the puzzle together. It gave me understanding of the lessons I needed to learn from the situations; deciding whether such event is key to my healing and moving forward or whether I needed to accept that I may never receive the answer I seek, moving on, with the satisfaction that I may never know.
Recalling the years brought memories that helped to heal my aching heart, cleanse my wounded soul and gave me a new perspective. I sought affirmation from my parents and with neither of them being part of my life, God had to show me in a dream, that my parents did love me, they just didn’t know how to show it. That is the message that I delivered to my ‘child self’ in order to release my ‘adult self’ to live a healthy life, balanced and fulfilled life.
I am beginning to understand what I could not comprehend before. The veil has been removed. God in his faithfulness, allowed me to travel the path I have been travelling (‘walking through pain’; ‘dealing with conflict’; ‘embracing and seeking forgiveness’) where I could see both effective and ineffective leadership in action to first help me understand that even though I had no parental guidance, He never left me nor forsook me. He positioned me in the care of those who would either pass on value through their leadership over me or I would learn in reverse, while at the same time being taught the key lesson that, it is not by might nor power but by His Spirit that I would overcome.
Daily, I’m being transformed, as I read the love letter my heavenly Father has left me and as I allow His Holy Spirit to direct my paths. Each chapter of each book of the Bible reveals His character to me and reveals who I am and why I was created. He is nothing like the leaders I have experienced and I am glad that I am now getting to know my heavenly Father for who He truly is. Alpha and Omega!
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