Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: DREAM (01/02/20)
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TITLE: Negative Imaginations | Previous Challenge Entry
By Terrie Ellington
01/08/20 -
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How could this have happened to our daughter, Jane? Molested. Raped, right under our noses from the tender age of 9 years until she was 22 years old. We had no idea that we were being betrayed by our trusted family member, Bob.
Bob and his parents, my in-laws, had recently moved from Germany to the United States. Since they didn’t know many people here, my husband, Mark and I decided to build a relationship with them. They were family. We welcomed them and thought they could be trusted.
It wasn’t until Jane gave us her 220-page dossier that we learned otherwise. Why didn’t she tell us sooner? We had taught her that no one was ever supposed to touch her private areas - not family members, not friends, not teachers, not even daddy. We always encouraged her to come and tell us if anyone touched her. “We’ll protect you,” we told her. We never allowed her to spend the night with friends. “Your friends may have brothers, fathers, or uncles who might touch you inappropriately,” we explained. She was only allowed to spend the night with family members.
We did all we could to protect her. Yet, it wasn’t enough. Guilt had gripped me to the core. I couldn’t eat or sleep for wondering what else we could have done? How could this have been avoided? How could we have been so blind? What were the signs of sexual abuse we should’ve.....?
“Ring. Ring.” My phone broke into my musings. I took a deep breath and tried to muster up a cheerful, “Hello”. I failed miserably as my voice quivered from unshed tears.
“Hi, Sis,” came my brother, Willie’s solemn reply. “I’m so sorry about what happened to Jane, but I know someone who will get the person who did this if you want them to. Just give me the word.”
A deep frown furrowed my brow as I thought about what he was implicating. “Please don’t call me talking like that,” I hurried to say. “I’m trying to live a Christ-centered life, and if you catch me in a weak moment, I might take you up on that.”
God, in His tender mercy, had orchestrated the revealing of Jane’s molestation shortly after I had finished taking a discipleship class called Masterfile where I learned what it meant to live a Christ-centered life. That’s why it was the first thing that came to mind in response to my brother’s offer.
Even so, I didn’t feel any spiritual goodness or comfort by my rejection of his offer. In fact, I felt cheated for not being allowed to seek revenge or some sort of retaliation for the injustice done to not only Jane but to my entire family. We even went to the police, but Jane was too afraid to press charges against Bob and eventually the statute of limitations ran out. He had gotten away with it and there was nothing we could do about it.
Then for three months Jane at 22 years old slept in our bed curled up in a fetal position between her father and me; depressed and suicidal. There were many nights we prayed and cried ourselves to sleep.
Oh, how I longed for my salty tears to be replaced by sweet revenge, but God would have none of it. I felt so cheated by this faith. Not only could I not hurt Bob as he had hurt me, but I also had to pray for him. Whenever I tried to pray good things for Bob, I would become angry and tearful as I cried out to God.
It took much fervent prayer for strength to forgive and not seek revenge. For even in sleep I was in spiritual warfare.
One morning, I was awakened by my heart pounding in my chest after fighting with Bob in a dream that night. It was a very vivid dream where I beat him with my fists and jump kicked him in the middle of his chest with both feet and then stomped him repeatedly.
The evil that my faith would not allow me to practice in reality was manifested in my dream. Nevertheless, somewhere deep inside, I enjoyed the dream and for that, I had to repent.
My prayer after that dream was, “Lord please protect my mind from the enemy while I am defenseless in sleep. While sleeping I can’t pray for You to help me cast down those negative imaginations.”
True story.
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