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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: STRESSED - Begins January 18 / Ends January 25 (01/18/18)
The camp was not a happy place. Everyone was on tenterhooks because the master had his first born but it was on the wrong side of the blanket.

‘What was he thinking?’ said one.
‘How could he do this to his lovely faithful wife’? queried another.

Others were saying the opposite.
‘What does she expect? She gave Hagar to him and now look at the result’.

Sarah retreated into her tent with tears streaming down her beautiful anguished face.
"Yahweh" she cried, You promised!
She can now lord it over me! Flaunting her child; and me, I have lost face! He is now the heir. Where is my son!!! she wailed in travail.
"We have been waiting for ten years and still nothing.
My beloved ‘father of many nations’ is married to me.
What a laugh...!!"

In another tent sat a young Egyptian woman. A new mother rocking her once pregnant body.
Bitter words flowed out of her wounded soul.
"Sarah's behaviour with me was the worst I've ever seen What I did, I don't know!
Isolation strategy like going in her tent and closing the flap. She didn't offer me food or kindness anymore.
Thank God, he is looking after me but this is unbearable.
She had food prepared but that was properly hidden, so I take nothing from her without asking. When I saw her behaviour it made me remember my childhood experiences and the things I saw. The bad memories came flooding back into my mind.
In not sure why she is exhibiting this behaviour but I believe it’s because she wants her space and she is jealous that I produced and she has not.
Every time I came around there was lots of suspicion, accusation, anxiety and misreading everything I said.
Nothing was a joke anymore, so I'm going away."

As the Word revealed there was a resolution.
In the words of a modern writer*
God worked despite their misguided human effort. Yes, God worked through these situations to bring about his will and plans.

*https://www.gotquestions.org/Sarah-Hagar.html

Genesis 21: 1-2

The Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did to Sarah as he had promised. 2 And Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age.
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This article has been read 424 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jenny Fulton 
01/27/18
This was an interesting take on the topic and you did a good job including dialogue and the various viewpoints of the characters.

Something to take note of is the cultural context of the story. Sarah's actions with giving her maid to Abraham was a completely normal and even expected action. That is what a good wife did at the time, so the people would not have been shocked or surprised by such a thing.
C D Swanson 
01/28/18
I like the way you used the topic to tie in a Biblical story with a retelling.

Nice job.

Blessings~
Susan Montaperto
01/30/18
A decidingly interesting take on Hagar & Sarah. Well done. Thank you.

God Bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
01/31/18
I enjoyed your retelling of the familiar story. You did a nice job of writing on topic too.

Instead of saying the camp is not a happy place, show it for the readers by describing frowning faces, furrowed eyebrows, whispers hidden behind cupped hands. Perhaps even emphasize it more by describing even a gloomy landscape.
Make sure you're consistent with the punctuation. Sometimes you used a single mark ('), others a double ( "), sometimes you forgot it altogether. I also think I saw some missing commas and periods. You also have some incomplete sentence because it's missing a word or wrong tense (Either was rocking or rocked would fix that one). Don't hesitate to ask someone to proof it for you.

I think you did a good job and delivered a powerful message. I need to remember to hand my worries over to God too.