The Official Writing Challenge
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This was an interesting take on the topic and you did a good job including dialogue and the various viewpoints of the characters.

Something to take note of is the cultural context of the story. Sarah's actions with giving her maid to Abraham was a completely normal and even expected action. That is what a good wife did at the time, so the people would not have been shocked or surprised by such a thing.
I like the way you used the topic to tie in a Biblical story with a retelling.

Nice job.

A decidingly interesting take on Hagar & Sarah. Well done. Thank you.

God Bless.
I enjoyed your retelling of the familiar story. You did a nice job of writing on topic too.

Instead of saying the camp is not a happy place, show it for the readers by describing frowning faces, furrowed eyebrows, whispers hidden behind cupped hands. Perhaps even emphasize it more by describing even a gloomy landscape.
Make sure you're consistent with the punctuation. Sometimes you used a single mark ('), others a double ( "), sometimes you forgot it altogether. I also think I saw some missing commas and periods. You also have some incomplete sentence because it's missing a word or wrong tense (Either was rocking or rocked would fix that one). Don't hesitate to ask someone to proof it for you.

I think you did a good job and delivered a powerful message. I need to remember to hand my worries over to God too.