Childish Fears | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Childish Fears | Previous Challenge Entry
By Yannick Ford
07/31/16
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The bedroom was well situated to elicit childish fears. North-facing, and right up on the second floor, it looked out onto an elevated, lonely orchard. The bedroom door opened onto a large, dark landing, seemingly very far from the rest of the house. A large, dark clock lurked in a corner. The landing light was feeble – it seemed designed only to cast sinister shadows when switched on, rather than to illuminate. When the wind blew, it would whistle under the doors.

The room itself was furnished unremarkably: a dark wooden bed, dark wooden shelving, a desk, and a dark purple armchair in an alcove. It was the painting on the wall that bothered me. Would the man in it alter his appearance? Was he really hiding some spirit that would leer out at me, if only I looked? And so I was caught between the wish to turn my back to it, and the obsessive desire to turn around again and glance, just to check that nothing had changed … which gave no reassurance five minutes later.

Some years later, back in that bedroom, I thought of my foolish fears. The painting was a simple oil, portraying a farmer of bygone years, striding out and broadcasting his seed onto the field. It made me think of the beautiful introduction to the parable of the sower, “Behold, a sower went out to sow” (Matthew 13:3). Had I turned my mind to the Divine Sower, and what He did, and what we could do, I would have had happier thoughts. Some fears are real, of course, and some are amply justified. But many of mine have been self-invented, and then self-fed. It was as if the dim landing light, seemingly in league with the imagined terrors, had cast shadows in my mind rather than shining in full strength to reveal things as they really were.

“How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. ... For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.” (Psalm 36: 7, 9)

Footnote: Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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