Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: FAMILY VACATION (07/30/15)
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TITLE: Lost and Found | Previous Challenge Entry
By Melinda Melton
08/06/15 -
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Suddenly a sharp pain radiates through my thigh muscle as my seven year old daughter's knee digs in as she strains to look out the window too.
"Wow Mommy! Look at the clouds!" she exclaims. "They look like cotton candy!"
"When will we get there?" she asked for the millionth time.
"Soon." I said and smiled.
I look across the aisle at my husband and our ten year old son. They both look back with big grins on their faces.
Suddenly, we fell forward as the plane dipped and bobbed and the wings rocked. The seat belt light comes on and a voice on the speaker tells us we are there is turbulence and to remain in our seats. The plane dips, bobs and rocks.
My daughter Kristen, claps her hands and shouts "YAY!" with glee.
Finally, the plane lands. We exited the plane and headed to the luggage area.
"Wait for us kids!" their daddy says loudly.
Impatiently they cry, "Hurry!"
We get our luggage and rent car and finally arrive at the Hotel.
"When can we go?" they both ask.
"How about now?", I say. Shouts of glee fill the room.
Our week is filled with roller coaster rides and pictures with all the princesses and villains we can find. We swim at the beach and slide down long winding slides. Kristen and Daniel run across a wood bridge towards the next water ride and Kristen falls, badly scraping her knees. Daniel helps her up and a couple of pretty park employee girls rushed over to assist.
They console our crying daughter and wink and smile at Daniel. "Can we take them to get an ice cream?" they ask. "The refreshment stand is just around the corner."
Hesitantly, I say, "Yes, of course. We will wait for you" and I watch as they take my kids in hand, chatting along the way.
It's taking longer than anticipated and we begin to worry. We finally see them round the corner, Kristen and Daniel both held little green sand buckets, filled with ice cream. It drips down the sides of the buckets and ran down their chins.
The next day, we visit the petting zoo and came across an aquarium. There is a long line to see the deep water diving suit. Holding my hand, Kristen jumps up and down eager for her turn. My husband and son step into the suit and peered at us through the helmet. I let go of her hand for just a minute to video Daniel. He waved at me excitedly.
I put the video camera back into the bag and turn around to hold Kristen's hand again and she is gone! My heart begins to pound violently in my chest and I try not to panic. We look around but don't see her anywhere.
We run around yelling, "Kristen! Kristen!"
We sprint over to the next room filled with little aquariums. No Kristen.
We run to the petting zoo. No Kristen.
My imagination runs wild.
We run back to the room with the suit and looked around frantically.
"There she is!" Daniel yelled, pointing to the suit.
Sure enough, there she is. Her little head popping up and down in the helmet window trying to see out. Relief flooded through my body.
That was our last stop for the day and sadly, our last day at the park.
The next day, we load everything up and head to the airport. The kids are excited to fly on the plane again and again, run ahead of us.
"Wait up, kids!" my husband yells again.
The flight back home was another bumpy ride. With lots of dipping, swaying, bobbing and rocking, we finally make another rough landing. I wanted to kiss the ground and my husband wiped the sweat from his brow.
We asked the kids, "What was your favorite part of our vacation?"
Daniel says, "The roller coasters!"
Kristen says, "The plane!"
A few days later, we watched the video and saw the footage of the diving suit. We watch my husband and Daniel take turns in the suit and just to the right of the screen, there is Kristen, sneaking over for her turn. Mommy totally unaware.
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Writing in the present tense is difficult. I know I struggle with it. Several times you slipped to past tense. Remember to use hyphens when stringing words together to make an adjective like seven-year-old daughter. It also helps cut down on the word count since hyphenated words count as one word.
You did a nice job of writing on topic. I could easily picture the scenes and have experienced similar vacations. I liked how you made the plane ride feel like a roller-coaster, and had the kids' favorites be so similar, yet different. It's a great way to show how we are all different, yet the same. Nice job.