Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write for the HUMOR Genre (10/09/14)
TITLE: Rules for Survival
By Diane M. Bowman
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My parents had just left for a two-week vacation. I was sixteen and my brothers were not much older. They'd left us at home alone before (hence the egg-in-the-microwave rule) but never for quite so long. Events of the ensuing fortnight prompted establishment of several additional rules for survival.
As a supplement to the clean-out-the-microwave rule, it was determined that if the door blows open from the pressure of the bursting egg, you should at least consider turning the unit off. It really didn't seem quite safe to allow it to continue to run, spewing electromagnetic radiation around the kitchen. We may or may not have posed the following question to my mom upon her return: "Did you know the bottom of the microwave can actually pop out? It makes it so much easier to clean."
Rule number three: food is so much more interesting if it is either a challenge to eat or not quite recognizable. The majority of the food cooked by the aspiring chefs who lived at our house contained either multiple hot peppers or a great deal of food coloring. The peppers were somewhat of a contest, with everyone trying to see how many they could stand. One roast absorbed so much heat that it took an entire gallon of tea for three of us to choke it down. As to the food coloring, we never did determine if the ham in Dr. Seuss' book, 'Green Eggs and Ham,' was also green or if it was just the eggs. Either way, it's not very appetizing. Trust me.
The gift of a generous friend gave rise to another rule for survival: anyone who gives two whole pies as part of a meal for five people is not to be trusted. Although the scrumptious meal she provided for the poor orphaned children received a ready welcome, we ought to have suspected foul play. The meatballs and potatoes were delicious but that chocolate pie looked like the best part. The misconception lasted until it was sliced and the knife came out with roots sticking to it. You would think a person who owns a greenhouse would have thought to sift the roots out of the dirt that she used to make a mud pie.
Not all of our rules were created by the collective group. Some came about to the dismay of certain individuals. For instance, if you loaded the dishwasher improperly, leaving glasses upright and candy bar wrappers adhered to plates; the undesirable results will appear at your place at the table, ready for your next meal.
The last rule was born out of necessity. We depended on each other for the day's duties and could not leave anyone at home to sleep the day away. If you were still asleep and everyone else was up, your alarm clock was truly alarming.
Set off on a metal toolbox, in the middle of your bedroom.
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