The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/09/14
Beautiful!

God bless~
08/11/14
I like the progression of thoughts. In some lines, the rhythm is off - making the reader stumble. Choose words that keep the rhythm flowing smoothly. Keep writing.
This is really beautiful. I think you did a great job of showing the anguish and fear of not knowing.

This may just be me not being quick on the uptake, but at the beginning the MC was confused and didn't seem to really know God. Then at the end he did, but I didn't see the transformation. I think part of it might have been due to using the universal you in the middle. The verse above it you use we. I think if you switched the we to I. Example: This pain I won't go through.
At this life's crossroads, I must choose between left and right.
By doing that, the rest all makes sense.

I think your words are lovely and seem to flow easily. Your message is a great one and I think most of us can relate to the fear and panic your MC showcased.

I want to tell everyone about a wonderful tool that FW offers free to all members. It's called Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards and is full of wisdom that helps all levels of writers. Jan responds to every post, so if you haven't checked it out or participated recently, I'd urge you to do so. Recently she did a thread about poems too. :)