The Official Writing Challenge
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Great descriptions of what I can only imagine those moments between here and glory will be like. Some formatting and paragraph breaks might help the flow a little, but on the whole a nice story. I especially liked the ending.
A good story. I enjoyed it very much. God Bless~
Interesting near death experience account, told with vivid detail! One can only imagine how little things would matter here after having a true glimpse and feel of Heaven. I like how you showed that with the MC ignoring his own sacrifice and just concentrating on Jesus’ sacrifice! Good job - enjoyed the read!
Excellent writing showing clearly the thin line between life on earth and in eternity. You've successfully conveyed the feelings described in Philippians 1:21-26 very well. Good job!
A compelling picture of the interplay between the two voices he is hearing in his state of grace. He might spend the rest of his earthly life discovering why it was not yet his time to go and finding a measure of peace in the answer.
This is a good story and reminded me of my own near death experience.

Try breaking the paragraphs into smaller ones so not to overwhelm the reader.

I enjoyed your MC and could relate to his thoughts. I liked that he could have been anyone. It helps the reader to connect with your message.