The Official Writing Challenge
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I enjoyed this retelling of a familar story from an insider's viewpoint. A "Wow" moment for sure.
I like the distinction between pool patrons -- "people who call in from the temple/friendly" and "visitors from the market/hardly ever smile." :) Your characterization of Asaph (and contrast with the Biblical Asaph) was very creative-- ("Asaph the psalmist, but his song was sour and it never changed."). You even got a little politics in this, "maybe get a job or start a business and accept some responsibility." :) Nice work on this!
This had such a different feel to it because your MC has a modern child's voice (for instance saying Dad instead of Abba). It made for a very interesting read. Well done!
Ditto a modern voice. At first I rebelled at the term, campers, but I guess it has its place in a contemporary setting.
I was a little surprised at the end that no one jumped to the conclusion that Asaph had somehow entered the pool and got his healing that way. But, hey, it's your story - well sort of!
Enjoyed your creativity. Great way to share this story with "todays" youth. You did a great job at making this story come to life.
Good job, stayed true to scripture with a little of imagination of, "what if"? This was one of the best this week for Biblical stories (in my humble opinion).
This is delightful. I so enjoyed the extra details. I was riveted to the screen right to the very end.