The Official Writing Challenge
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Very, very nice. There's a message here as well. This story flowed well. Thumbs up!
01/25/07
Very nicely done. & very real sounding dialogue.
01/26/07
One can understand Carlos' shock at the possibility of a blind person painting, but we know nothing is impossible with God and you have managed to portray this very eloquently in your writing. Well done.
I loved your story and kinda guessed where it was going. And you didn't disappoint me--great ending, good message. Well done!
01/27/07
Artists that are blind must be in vogue these days; as this is the 2nd one I've read about. I still can't understnding how they can paint things they cannot see...but this was a unique way to meet up with the painter, and I definitely enjoyed the read. Delightful candor and wit. Nicely done.
01/28/07
Sue, how can I tell you this without hurting your feelings. I know how you hate a positive comment, to read how great your entry is, how inspiring, how creative, how clever, how your "gotcha" at the end was priceless, how the message of who is really blind was cool. So I'll just say I hated it. Your worst work ever. Didn't get it. Wasn't moved at all and didn't smile once.
I hope that helps. But, I do wish I could have wrote something this masterful. God bless.
01/28/07
I shall now call you Prince William since you are only one letter off of it anyway!!! Because, after all, you are a Prince in my book!! Has anyone else noticed this? ;)
01/28/07
Also adored this, Sue (and I'm with ya on William! hehe). Loved the dialogue between the artist and Carlos especially.
01/28/07
Sue, I really enjoyed your story. Seriously.

I know you've been frustrated lately, so I wanted to pass along a helpful, constructive comment. I can't take credit for it, however. This is a comment that Jan Ackerson left for Dara Lowe back many months ago. I read her comment and incorporated it into my own writing and it has made a huge difference in how my dialogue scenes flow. So, here is her comment word for word:

Avoid words like "said," "exclaimed," etc. Instead, use short descriptive phrases. Your writing will soar! Like this:

“We have seen the Lord!” Cleopas grasped Peter's arms.

“He came up dressed in a long robe, his face covered.” Eli's eyes glittered. “He asked us what we were talking so passionately about and I was astonished when he seemed unfamiliar with the Passover events.”

“We thought he was a recent visitor to Jerusalem.” Cleopas didn't wait for Eli to finsh speaking. “So we told him everything, from the unfair trial up to his crucifixion and the women’s vision of angels.”

There you go... Jan is awesome, isn't she? Anyway, I noticed you had a few "saids" sprinkled in there (not that there's anything wrong with that), so I thought this may give you something new to work on.

Great story! You are always one of my favorites.
Love, Teri
01/29/07
I really liked this. It was warm and gently humorous, and... is it true (in any part?)
01/29/07
I was thoroughly charmed by the personalities of your characters. In her Newbery acceptance speech for "The Giver", Lois Lowry talks about a blind artist that she knows, so your character is very plausible. I love that way he gently gives Carlos his comeuppance. Very, very good.
01/29/07
Wow! I loved this but was truly surprised and intrigued by the idea of a blind artist. The story was well written and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing it
Ooooh! I love that last line from Brandon when he said he was not a blind artist, just an artist that is blind! That was the perfect ending to that piece-and so very true! Very interesting, I like the characters and the part with the cheese tray. Great stuff! :)