Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: LEAVE (11/16/23)
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TITLE: ...but it's not time yet! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Evelyn Alexander
11/17/23 -
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First, I surprisingly saw myself while still a little girl, pulling on my mother’s skirt to get her attention so I could ask, “Can we leave now? I’m tired and want to go home.”
Did the word resurrect a long-buried memory? Or did it trigger my creative imagination. I truly don’t know! Either way though, the word seemed to bring up a distant memory and the feeling I had of, “I’ve had enough. I’m tired and want to go home.” Coincidentally, the feeling that came with that thought also triggered a wonderful anticipation so many of us seem to carry these turbulent days.
Since this world seems to have become unrecognizable with horrifying evils never before seen among mankind, and a craziness that’s seems to be impacting all of us one way or another, it’s natural so many of us are feeling quite drained and tired with the stress of it all; we’re feeling, “Burned out,” as some like to say.
I can almost see it now … can you? —pulling on our heavenly Father’s robe, saying, “I’m tired of all this! Can we leave now? I want to go home!”
Ahh … home to Heaven! It sounds so comforting. But deep down inside we know it’s not yet time to leave this world. We still have much to do for His Kingdom! And that’s not just a cliché, it’s also the truth. So, for now we find much needed rest by drawing ever closer to the Father so we can strengthen our faith and trust His guidance, for His Holy Spirit can comfort us and renew our hope. It’s amazing how He can rejuvenate our hearts to give us hope, and knows just what to say when we need it! We know He can too, for He’s done so many times before, and it’s based solid in His Word.
Jesus himself told us that, “The Comforter, the Holy Spirit, who the Father will be sending in my name, He will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.”*
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)**
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*Personal paraphrase of John 14:26; **New International Version (NIV)
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On topic and clearly written.
Loved it.
Certainly, leaving earth "removing my Heavenly Father's Robe" isn't the answer to all our wearying troubles that beset us.
I could relate.
Thank you. Blessings as we serve our King! :-)
Although I might suggest a few minor tweaks. Instead of using the plural-first-person voice, I think using the singular one might have a bigger impact and help the reader connect. A little change like come alive in us and come alive in me makes it more intimate. You also used the word surprisingly, along with other words and phrases a few times. If you go back and count those repetitions, I think you might be surprised. Try to avoid -ly words. Instead use verbs that make the sentence pop. Another thing to be aware of is overusing punctuation. Instead of exclamation points, let your words do the exclaiming. If you want to show a lag in the dialog, instead of ellipses, use body language, and instead of quotation marks and random caps, show how feeling burned out impacted you.
These are all little things, and many may not even notice them. But small tweaks like those can make it feel like you're have an intimate conversation with a friend. I enjoyed the Bible verses you selected. They help showcase your clear, Christian message. The ending is satisfying and opens up a time for thought and dialog. Good job.